nady

Im so sorry

2009-10-18T14:07:00.001+08:00

MOVED
Please Relink =D

abondoned

2009-10-11T14:17:00.001+08:00

i am abondoning this blog till further notice.

in the mean time, i have another blog. go figure (;

baby,

2009-10-09T22:20:00.002+08:00

The truth is, I don’t hate you. I can never hate you. I’m not on a crusade to hate you. I guess I just want to find reasons not to like you, to make you seem like a horrible person. So I can just be mad at you and forget about you. Because honestly, it would just make all this so much easier.

exams has been okay. i hate exams. i hate geography exam. i studied green revolution, blue revolution came out. i studied chemistry but i can't recall that much. life is so unfair.

i'm left with biology, maths paper two, fnn and poa paper. and i'll be done with secondary three. pray hard for me i go secondary four express!

i want to cry! :(

raya outing

2009-10-03T13:39:00.001+08:00

raya has been all so fine. only that i didn't snap much pictures like i usually do. because, the camera stinks. it keeps failing on me. pffft. well anyway, i think i want to tell how raya goes (if i can remember hello, it has been two weeks) and i think it's going to be long. i miss blogging okay. is just that i've been too busy and lazy. heh.

200909.
well, it was the first day of raya right. mummy was busy with the cooking. i woke up at eight. sadly i cant go solat raya like i always do. the worst part, dinie solat raya at alkaff, pffft. so after that, got changed and stuff. kakak and abang ipar came. so tak perlu, might as well takyah datang. then, went to aunt's house. yay! kak mas wore the same thing, only different color, yay. heheh. after that, i was forced to follow my other uncle. walau. tak suka sia. i feel like a stranger in the car. went to my nenek's sister house. i feel like a noob. i didn't talk. mum and aunt came then.i still didnt talk. my arm hurts remember. hah. so after that, we went to nenek's cousin's house. who happen to be sodiq's grandmother (which reminds me the previous year love story. EWWWW) so then, we went to my mother's brother's house. i love the new house! hahahaha. so envyy okay. then went to kak ana's house. then, went to along's house. after that, went home. and for the first time, abang gave duit raya! i mean, woah! duit raya! and not only that, he gave $50! hahaha, i even framed it tau. hahaha, woahh.

so the next day, was fine too. i don't remember whose houses we went. but i know there was many. after that, sent abang abbas to his school, nanyang technology university yknow. wahh, i was inspired suddenly. but it's at jalan bahar yknow. scaryy. lol.

then school as per normal. still go to raya eventhough i still school. i mean, we go after i finish school. not only that, i keep meeting kak mas after school, around six. haha. ye lahh, since her ehem is nearby my school, keep meeting him je. then meet me. then both of us go shopping at tampines mall. hahaha. love her v much la. and thank you to dinie for accompanying me till six. eventhough he suppose to be home much earlier. sorrry menyusahkan.

so, the worst house i remembered, was nearby my school too. i swear, i didn't know i have a cousin who stay there! the worst part was that, he got v big speakers. speakers that can blow your mind, i mean, seriously. haha. so, i think, he wanted to show off his speakers and bing amplifiers lahh konon. then, he switched on his tv. put on a dangdut song. and switch on the big speakers. haha. i was near the speakers. me and kak mas was v near to the speakers. seriously, the glass moved! we felt as if the house is tearing apart. i can't even hear whatever they are saying. omg! i was going deaf! hahahaha. and my tudung was flying too. wahhh, terok what. hahha.

on sunday, sempat went to melaka. serious, we went melaka. got home around 3am. hahaha, wahh so tired.

last friday raya with friends. was pretty awesome. but i was sick, i mean, i was really sick. but i still go, as promised. first, met nany after maths lesson and went home. then changed then meet nany. met nany at condo bustop. then, went to liyana's house. waited for others till 4pm sia. walau, they so slow. hahahahahahha. we good yknow. orang bedok earlyyy^^ hahaha. when they came, the boys complaint, the girls too. hahaha, funny funny. after that, went to my house. then, went to diyana's house. afterwards, nadirah's house. had a little clash, where we met the 3T1. mak kau, ehh hello. it's raya! MINTA MAAF LAH SIA. we yet to forgive you about the floorball incident sey. hahaha. okay then, went to dinie's house. hahaha. the cool thing, his mum didnt ask my name. she asked the rest, but not mine. wahh, memang naseb aku lah. okay after that, went amalina's house. i was getting more dizzy and sick. i can't even eat. i mean, serious. i don't have the mood to eat. so i gave up other houses and went home instead. thanks eh send me home, bayarkan duit taxi lagi. hantar sampai atas lagi, sampai depan rumah. thank you (; and got home, straight away, sleep.

i woke up with 5 text messages and 7 missed calls. sorry to those i didn't reply and didn't pick up calls. so at 12, went jalan raya. all open house. not fair, i can't eat! :( so, i only drink and eat deserts. so sad! hahahaha. the last house was really an open house. why? because it was at void deck. it suppose to be a marriage event. but we came last night and not today. then, me and kak mas saw many many many many snails. ahhahah. ewww. and we saw snails mating. serious! hahahaha ( to remember the question i asked to my ex boyfriend before, hahaha, i mean i asked him do snails mate using condoms? ) so anyway, after that, went home. haha. around 1am, reached home. still sick. damn.

im supposed to be at madrasah today. but i didnt go. i was sick, mummy said, no need go. hahaha. naseb kau lah hamdan buat exam, aku tk yah :P hahahah. so then, i woke up, bathe, then sat in front of the laptop. OMG I LOOK UGLY ON THE FRIDAY'S PICTURE ALAHHHH. hahahahah. nevermind, gambar meant to be laugh about. i guess i want to upload it here now. lol.

anyway, thursday's exam was okay. only english paper two was pretty difficult. friday's paper was fine. i was v sick on friday. i finished malay paper v early, that i slept then. hahaha, i dreamt of nany. hahahah. i dreamt that she became a lion mascot. lol! so, i told dinie, nabilah and nany, and hahaha. nany kene kacau by dinie singa! lolz. so, ss paper was okay. what i studied, came out. but i missed out a seven marks question. haishh.

before i forget, i remembered. on wednesday, had a great time with nany summer allen, and nabilah deavonne. hahah. i love them both la. while waiting for airie, had a great time crapping with them. rather than revising, we talk non-stop. dinie joined us. and hahahaha. we all began to crap. biasalah, about hafiz and nazhan. tak habis2. and nabilah got twin. dinie and nabilah twin, lain mak, lain bapa. hahaha. and on thursday, while waiting for ms lin, we crapped somemore. now better. nicknames of animals. haha.

i love my life now. okay, bye. pictures, only some.

HIATUS HIATUS HIATUS

2009-09-29T21:04:00.001+08:00

YAY! TWO MORE DAYS TO ENGLISH PAPERS! WOOOO, TAK SABAR! WOOOOOOO! -.-

AND AND, THREE MORE DAYS TO MY FIRST JALAN RAYA WITH MY SECONDARY FRIENDS. WOOOO! YAY! ~ ^^

K bye, im going back to hiatus. and yeap, i got another active blog. ask me personally.

loves

2009-09-25T21:55:00.001+08:00

i miss blogging.

things have been alright anyway. anytime soon, i'll update again. i have been busy, really busy. i already begin my revision for fnn especially. because i know my coursework was BADLY done. so anyway, i miss blogger v much.

arguements most of the time. is this love?

misses

2009-09-23T20:08:00.003+08:00

kay. no longer look forward for two october.
dont think ss teacher is cute anymore, he is so arrogant.
everybody's changing.
miss shazzy.
school is very mundane.
needs to buy a present for someone, by end of this week.
needs to pull up socks for exam!
wants to go Bintan, maybe. hmmm.

i miss blogging. but i got two blogs now. haha, for fun.

Eid Mubarak

2009-09-21T22:50:00.002+08:00

my first day of raya and second day was like a roller coaster ride. but overall, i love it. i am richer than my mummy now. heheheh. and i win dinie in collecting more money. hohoho. anywayyy,

HAPPY MONTHSARY TO YOU TOO DINIE ASHRAF ADRI (:

overall, i had a great time. i don't really have the pictures. i only had some which i took from my handphone. some others are with kak mas or kak rashiqah. well, have to wait till they upload. four days, i neglected my studies. i need many many many catching ups now. hmm, i must pass!

tomorrow, i can't wait to eat nasi ayam! yay! hehehe. im so excited to meet my friends. likewise my silly dinie and handsome shaz.

i guess i won't update for now. i think the elderly nowadays are tooo stingy! hehehehehe.

let it go, yeah

2009-09-19T21:20:00.003+08:00

i hate yong fook very very very much!

before that, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MUHAMMAD ZULHUSNI BIN ABDUL RAHMAN! YAYYY! KAU DAH TUA! SUDAH TIDAK MUDAH LAGI! HAHAHA, zullie! kau kawan yang sungguh baik. you listen to me when i need a guy to talk to other than dinie. you were there to cheer me up. you always make me smile. you're so cute zullie. hehe. thanks for this wonderful friendship. amacam? buka tadi best tak? hehe. anyway, dinie also said Happy Birthday! haha. yay! zullie, i believe you can do it. confirm, by next year kay sachok gila, haha. and zullie! be patient okay. dalam kolam ada lagi ikan emas yang lebih lawa tau. tapi, kau dah berkenan yang tu, apa nak buat. what to do, zullie nowadays right? hehe. okay, this one whole paragraph cukup untuk kau k? thanks for everything kay putera? hahah, nie lah, suami aku yang satu nie. hehhehe!

so back to the 'yong fook' story. urgh, i hate him. my left shoulder hurts. this is caused by him, duh. well, we initially were playing netball during pe lesson yesterday. so i played GD (haha, not my favourite cause i hate defending) and he play GA. so i had to defend him. while defending him, he played fucking rough. he kept hitting me and pushing me. there was this part where we knocked on my left shoulder so hard. it hurts alot during the game, but what to do. endure it then. afterwards, my right shoulder got bang with weiqin's. haha, that was nothing. but till now, the left shoulder is swollen. i cant lift up the hand, or move it much. ahhh! benci you know! i have to live with the pain for the first day of raya ):

im sorry for not updating lately. i did say hiatus, but haha. will update at times. tomorrow is Eid Mubarak. The celebration of victory after a month of fasting. im so proud for dinie and zullie. Puasa penuh! wahhh, haha. i owe this both something though since both fast full. haha. and yeah, tomorrow is hari raya.

for the first time of our family, it's only me and my mum in the morning. it's very sad. i already miss everything. the chaos to prepare everything the day before raya. especially my sister's nagging. i miss that nags and noises she loved to make. i love the boiling of ketupats outside my house. the late nights with my sister while marathoning movies. initially, when we both were so excited we cant sleep. i miss the morning raya. while waiting for brother to come back and we have our feast together. now, just me and my mum. yeah, im sad. and that mum, on the other hand, is upset with both menantu, it's hard now.

i just hope, this year raya will be meaningful. on a brighter note, me and kak mas is so twinney. yay! can't wait to jalan raya with her tomorrow. hehehe (:

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN! <3

eoy eoy

2009-09-15T22:32:00.003+08:00

(the reason i uploaded this picture, was for fun, to laugh about. and guess what, it was mid year 2007. when we're secondary one! ahahha, believe it or not. and, why airie's picture was coloured, ask her. she did that. muka satu persatu tak perlu!)

ah guess what, im going on hiatus anyway. i'm seriously keeping my laptop away from my reach. i really want to concertrate on my eoy Exams. it's a must for me to pass this time. i want to pass every subject (maybe, i have no hope for POA and FNN) but i really believe i can do others.

today, there was malay TA4. and english TA5. drama was mudane. it was so boring. i don't feel the enthusiam since ms. khong left. i miss having her around, doing just dance dance. anyway, today break fast outside with liyana and khairiyah. after that, amalina joined us. she was so silly for not bringing along health booklet and obs form. so she went home while we went to century to see shoes, haha. yana was so funny and cute.

after that went to find the faith clinic. haha, i swear i hate finding it. we saw many many weird people. creeepy okay. after that, after half an hour finding the clinic, it was actually at the stop where we stop, where we need to walk a little further. we initially went to street 44, because the blocks there were written as 484, which is near to 487. haha, we were wrong. we even ask an uncle who happened to be yana's uncle, hahaha. hahaha bodoh.

anyway, i'm fit to go OBS camp. yay yay yay, yana too. amalina too. i'm so happy. i don't know if dinie is. i don't know about the rest. haha. but yay. hahaha. i think many will go. the doctor was kind and nice. i'm free tomorrow. i don't know if i should wait for dinie tomorrow, to work things out with him.

yeah, we had been fighting lately. we had unnecessary quarrels and we tend to be so 'perangai' with each other. when he apologised, i will repeat the mistake he did and that's how the cycle goes. and we were a little far apart lately. we didn't take most of our time, we didn't hang out and talk that much. even we meet during recess, what we do is talk with zul. that's it.
i guess i really am the worst girlfriend ever.

anyway, recently, i find things funny and ailly. and, haha. i really wish i could just curse and be very straight forward. airie will know how hard for me to endure that feeling when texting someone just now. i really wish i could say to her about the other story. haha, yeah. and say everything to her face. kan best. but bulan baik what, have to be patient.

i told nany that i missed him, nany said " haiyoo". she's right. i should have gotten over him. but it takes time i guess. despite loveing him very much, i can do this, i believe i can. things will be alright. but, exactly when can i do that. it's been a fzuck pain deep down. i still suffocate. why me?

tomorrow, there will be a new SS teacher since mdm F took leave. YAY! and his a guy. and according to ms.teh, HIS CUTE! AHAHAHAHA. okay, im here to studyyy. haahahha. oh well. i must beat dinie for my end of year result. i already beat him in all his CA marks. :P

will be back by 15October. but maybe i'll update my tumblr. heheh. goodnight humans (L)

shzzybby

2009-09-14T21:17:00.001+08:00

i wish i can have you, because you know i want you more. i wish it's you, but i can't. you were too busy finding someone else, when everytime, i'm there for you.

baby lovee

2009-09-13T17:23:00.002+08:00

i blog for the second time because i'm happy. i'm done with all my online assignments. i can't do geography because i can't download the game. okay, i'll try do it later.

anyway, the family meeting ended with a sad ending. the house would still be sold despite mummy didn't want it too. this house is full of fond memories. of granny, of dad, of the times the family were still together. i don't want to move out. i love this house even though there's creeppy crawlies that bring eeek to me. but i still love this house. i was raised since primary two in this house. but oh well, brother don't care and his wife wants a house. so, have to sell the house. pfffty, selfish.

since i had nothing to do, and i can't bake cookies (sneezing since i came home), i decided to watch jangan pandang belakang congkak. haha, i'm a little outdated for this movie, sadly. but, doesn't mean i can't watch right? haha. okay, i want school tomorrow. i miss all my friends. all my love. and my someone. my silly boy too.

i don't have much to talk about though. i hate sundays. i always have no plans for sundays except studying and wasting my time on the laptop. next week is already raya. tomorrow i'm going shopping with mum after school. and there's nothing much to look forward anyway.

oh oh, sempena hari hari terakhir bulan ramadan, jangan lupa untuk merebut peluang malam lailatul qadr. terutama sekali malam malam yang ganjil. dan jangan lupa menikmati hari hari terakhir bulan ramadan ini. datang hanya setahun sekali sahaja.

im living happily now (: byee, off to tumblr.

yeah, hmm.

2009-09-13T13:07:00.002+08:00

~~Happy Two Years Four Monthsary babyboy.~~

hello, yeah. hahaha. madrasah today. oh, anyway, i slept late last night watching a sinetron indonesia. hahah. dinie called me minah indon cause i began texting him in indonesia. hahahaha. speaking of indonesia language, i remembered reading this language book with liyana at times the other time after english lesson. haha, memek!

so anyway. i went madrasah, late. i reached madrasah at 8.30am. i woke up late you know. so, ustazahs went through the syllabus that will come out for exams. the ustazs too. hmm. okay, it was pretty mudane though just now. there was no break to have bonding together. oh yea, i miss hoxer tooo.

after that, went to the shop with rena. then, went to her house to visit the kittens. aww, they're soo adorablee. haha. i like marie though. then, went home. haha. and thanks rena baby for the cute mug you gave me. heeehe. love you honey (L)

okay, so currently, im trying to finish up all my homeworks. im so hungry. i didnt eat my pre dawn meal. i didnt woke up since i was too tired. i think i will sleep earlier tonight. i miss someone super much. i miss dinie too. it has been days since i saw that silly face and listen to his silly jokes. haha. i miss airie, nabilah, nany also. i miss rachel too.

anyway, currently having some family matter. omg, sister should have been here, seriously. the other one, macam motiondoll. hahahahahahahaha. urgh, how i wish mummy will say everything to her face. damn. i mean, for someone like her who said so many things to my mum on her blog, it's rude. you're there, sitting, acting so innocent. pfffty.

okay goodnight. i don't want school tomorrow. yay! :(

“It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces."

and you know, the past made us

2009-09-12T22:04:00.004+08:00

hello. today was a painful day. my stomach hurts badly. i didnt fast either since i need to take medicine. god. i cant eat spicy food, at all. that sucks. i dont care, i still want to eat epok epok sardine even though i can't. speaking of it, i want to eat it more.

the picture was taken last year, after watching kungfu panda with them. i love my hair, i miss my hair (haha, jam tak tukar-tukar aku ni) i cant wait to let my hair grow. so i can change my hair again. hehehehe. and someone was random. he was " bby, i miss your old look seyy" hahaha, aww his soo cute.

okay, today was dissapointing too. went to arab street first to see the warna thingy. dissapointing, no nice kuih to buy. then, went to geylang to buy baju raya, again. but, to no avail, empty handed. it's very dissapointing. me and kak mas was pretty mad with our mum though. i mean, we already like that kebaya (yeah, wearing sepasang) but both said not worth it. woahh, so sad okay! guess, i'll wear last year's lor. pffffy.

and dinie gave me a very long lecture this morning. when i told him that i was sick and that i didnt go to teach the kids today.(suppose to text rena, go text him) and he gave me very long messages asking me to take care and rest well. awww. hahaha, such a caring boyfriend. too bad im a bad girlfriend who forgets 21 is coming soon ):

anyway, tomorrow is sunday. im not done with my homework. i don't even feel the holiday. haha. to recall back, i remembered tukz told me when you're in sec3, you wish you have holiday. when you're in lower sec, you wish there's no holiday. hahaha, true true.

and speaking about lower secondary, HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i had a great time laughing my ass off with zul and airie. it all started from zul. his pm was " what you think of me? " so i said, adorableeee. haahah, then suddenly. airie showed me junyuan superstar contestant no.4 hahahaha. ZUL! then, it goes to junyuan dance floor, modernity. then, to airie's blog. ahahahah, airienaz, iahrin, laiah, zulina, irahmil, nasha, riah, and many more. HAHAHA. Voices Of Young People. OMG! kental or whattt we all. hahahaahhaha. alhamdulilah kita dah berubah.

okay, i should do maths now. goodnight.

Someone Like You

2009-09-11T22:02:00.003+08:00

A: Sayannnnng! 10 MORE DAYS! ;D
(received: 19:20:52 11/09/09)

hello. i guess i was too busy thinking of someone i forgot 21 is coming soon. im so useless, sucha useless girlfriend indeed. but he forgave me for forgetting it. hmmm. so, should i get something or just wish him via text message on the day itself?

i had the most wonderful time today. i seriously do. i hang out with someone today and we laugh our ass off while singing and recording ourselves. we're so cute. and someone is cutee too! hehe. so then, i went to my kak mas for the free spa treatment. not a good job. i dont know why our mums even go there. pffft.

i ate alot today. but im still hungry. i just realised holidays are over. fuck, dont feel the holiday at all. i only started my revision on fnn and geography. ahhh, must start revising more. and im not even done with any of the stupid iconnexion assignment. that is so fucking stupid. oh well, better pull up my socks now.

i cant trust anybody. this sucks.

and, i don't know how long i need to pretend. i want your attention, i want your presence. but you seem to ignore me. how does it feel having three around you? you ignored the one that has always been there for you anyway. you thought the one who will love you forever will stay, and remain patient. she's yours anyway. me.

trapped

2009-09-10T20:23:00.003+08:00

(Credit to Eechan's Blog)

heyy. well, initially, i stayed at home today. i woke up at 1130am. hahaha, macam babi aku tidur. since there's no extra class, i decided to wake later than usual. after that, i bathe, then help mummy with the cookies. then, ironed the curtains to be hanged. of course, after that, hanged the curtains. me, very hardworking.

then, went to geylang (again) to find baju raya. to no avail (again) i dont get what i want. macam toooot right. nevermind. buying on saturday with kakak mas. going to be sepasang with her though. only that she will be 6 inch taller and i'll still be short -.- sadly, i cant wear high heels.

anyway, i watched something funny kamil tukz showed me. oh, his a joker. go watch this okay!

and listen to this song. two thumbs up! (Y)(Y)

I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.

I guess the best part of being with you is that you don’t judge me. I can wake up in the morning, hair a mess, no make-up on & you still tell me I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

the ones who love us never really leave us.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t, at some point, think of you. Or, some kind of memory we once shared. It’s like I look at a certain thing, hear a certain song, or even eat a certain food and suddenly I am reminded of you, and times we shared, the conversations we had, the best friend you used to be. I know I ruined it and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I miss you so much yet you don’t seem to at all. Because I still hesitate and the sound of your voice, even hearing your name but you don’t even blink at the sound of mine. Because I’m trying my hardest to let things go back to normal yet you don’t even bother to put in the effort to make things work. I’m sorry because once again, I’m crying over you while you’re probably having the time of your life with her.

now, i love tumblr for all this! (L)

what you think?

2009-09-09T22:46:00.002+08:00

Everyone’s heartbroken nowadays, but I mean, we all just gotta move on. What’s the point of reminiscing when you know the person is no longer worth while; when they’re no longer who they used to be? When their heart is somewhere else? Do you think they still care for you, still sit there thinking about you? Because frankly, they don’t.

For all this time, i thought you would be true and honest. i kept doubting it. and i still doubt it.

hey. i dont want to update much, so anyway. i got my new ezlink card. it suck lah. i hate the way i look in the picture. im happy today because i got my mango smoothie. thank you mummy! hehehe. and spent my afternoon at the mcdonalds with fatin doing some discussions and watch charlies angels together. weee. i love fatin lah.

Happy Birthday Aimran! wahh, you used to be my tutor and now, an NS man. congratulations! eheheh.

kay. bye bye.

i love eechaaaanzy! (L)

2009-09-08T22:53:00.004+08:00

i read eechan's blog and i love all this sayings and pictures. okay, goodnight earth. i love you all. (L) and
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeechan! i miss your hugs toooo hubby! ^^

here's another one she sent me through message. here it goes.

“Don’t worry, he’ll miss you. You’re the best he could get, and he blew it. Don’t let him make you think for one second that this was your fault. It’s not. He screwed up, and you did absolutely nothing wrong. You gave him your heart, and you trusted him to keep it and protect it, but he couldn’t. And honestly, he’s not mature enough. He’s not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have cared for you with every fiber of his being and been with you every spare second he could. But he didn’t, and now he’s gone. But don’t you cry. Don’t call him telling him you miss him. Don’t IM him, don’t message him, don’t comment him, don’t talk to him in the hallways. Just pretend you don’t care. And don’t be surprised when he comes crawling back saying he made a mistake. And if you want to go, go with him again. But make him work for you. Don’t be his doormat. Don’t let him in the first time he rings the bell. Make him come back every day until you trust him enough. If he doesn’t come back after a couple of tries, just let him go. But if he comes back every day, then he’s worth it. Trust me .. he’s worth it.”

seriously, all above is true and it's linked to my life. goshh! eeeechan rocks! \m/

outward bound

2009-09-08T22:29:00.003+08:00

kay, im excited about the Obs. and i was doing research whether the camp i used to go during primary five was related to obs, indeed it does. and then, i webhopping. haha. i went to see the photos and i found this. not many pictures but i spot some familiar faces.

http://www.obs.pa.gov.sg/1235997535132.html

get over this

2009-09-08T20:12:00.003+08:00

(picture taken on 13 october 2008, the day iahrin were mend)

okay, i'll get over this. anway, hello everybody. today was another mundane day. well, i woke up for pre-dawn meal. i had stomachache then. i didnt go back to sleep. ended up, i watch Channel News Asia in the morning, haha. after that, change and went to school. took 22, and i took my own sweet time walking.

i saw dinie in school. haha, his a funny boy. well, he was so semangat (through text message) that there was remedial for his class today. unfortunately, for his smartness, he didnt check with the rest, it was cancelled. hahaha, come to school for nothing eh din. hahah. he went home, and sleep. you weird guy.

had social studies first. it was okay though. then, had break. talked and chilled with the rest and zul. after that maths. was fast though. went home and then off to geylang. kak mas and i decided to buy the same pattern but different colour. yet, havent buy cause both of us were unsatisfied.

anyway, im bored. im still hungry since i ate little just now. (mummy didnt cook) and i yet have any plans this holidays with friends. we all are busy with revisions and love life (i guess) i miss having all of them sitting down and we talk. still, im dissapointed how me and airie at times made plans but many cant make it or couldnt be bothered. i love them all, but do they love me? woah.

i got a great lecture from mat dinie. yeah, his right. everything he said was right. all the advises he gave was useful and reliable (not realiable, like how james spell it during SS) furthermore, he was being logical. thank you dinie. well, i guess it's true though. hey, education first. nothing else. i want to change. in fact, im changing. i used to ditch school, now i never want to skip school. i failed my mid year badly, now i dont even want to fail my tests. i'll put extra effort to everything. i can do this. dinie believe i can, mum believe i can, sister believe i can, and my friends (that cares) believe i can. i know i can do this! (:

i love you all.

things i'll never say

2009-09-07T20:27:00.002+08:00

(took this from eechan's tumblr)

the first day of holiday was already wonderful, hooooray! today, i woke up late to go english remedial. during remedial, did summary test. after that, went to tampines one to browse books. we browsed magazine and me and yana browsed language books. funn eh yana? (; then, i met someone special. chilled with him awhile and then went home. changed and went to geylang. not satisfied. i dont like any of the baju kebaya/kurung ):

anyway, i found this and i wanted to do it. okay, bye.

How did you meet Dinie?
- In the same school. But mostly, during Sec1 Orientation Camp 2009

What's your fondest memory of Shaz?
- too much to talk about. just too much memories. oh, i know, the one we counted stars together ^^

What's Rena's opinion on cheese?
- hahah. she loves it!

Do you trust Airie?
- Yes! i trust her, mostly.

Nabilah is actually Liyana in disguise, you know.
- yahh, as if!

Liyana Afiqah and Dinie are forced to roleplay out a verbal couple fight. Who gets to play the wife?
- hahahahahaha. Liyana will be the wige lah, common sense.

Have you ever been in Nadirah's house?
- hahahah, yeah. we ate mee soto there.

Would you marry Liyana?
- we are not lesbians

If Zul and Liyana teamed up, what would they most likely accomplish?
- maybe. hahaha,

Have you ever been in Eechan's house?
- Nope

What's Dinie to you?
- His My Boyfriend,

How would Mickey Mouse insult Amalina?
- i dont know, but Mickey mouse insult amalina cause she's jealous!

How would Eechan insult Adilah?
- Eechan don't insult people.

Do you love Shaz?
- Yes, i still do love shaz Alot.

Who would be a better superhero sidekick between Amalina and Mothra, and why?
- who the hell is mothra, and yeah, amalina will be a great sidekick. haha. in fact, a superhero.

Can Adilah be bad influence?
- Maybe, chey. No.

If your sibling and Dinie were locked in the same (really small) room for longer than a day, what would most likely happen?
- My sister and Dinie will get to know each other and will go on well, maybe.

What would you do if Terence confessed love to you?
- HAHAHA. i love you too brother! (:

Do you think Eechan is a virgin?
- Yes, she is a virgin.

What would you do if Dinie confessed love to you?
- He usually do, haha.

Shaz suddenly knows all your secrets. What do you have to say about that?
- he knows everything about me. what else he don't know? i never hide anything from him kay.
Even all my darkest deepest secret is with him.

What happen if Shaz and Liyana Afiqah have a crush on each other?
- I can't imagine that.

( I found this question me generator at deviantart)

im happy today, and i love you. trust me baby, i do love you.

carnival pictures/ break fast pictures

2009-09-06T17:32:00.019+08:00

let the pictures do the talking. im very lazy to even exaggerate about how days been. sucks, that's all.

anyway, friday. there was drama, but we went for trybe to prepare the carnival for the next day. eventually, then, went home straight to change. meet the rest (adilah, yana, nabilah and airie) at pastamania with nany. we were late, hehehe. but it was fun though breaking fast with them. i love it anyway. after that, went to mccafe. camwhore a little and then went to meet dinie. i didnt remember where we hangout.

on saturday. i woke up late. supposed to meet nabilah at 9.30am at small mcdonalds. but ended up, i woke up late so i met her there straight. it was okay lah, during the carnival. nothing exciting, nothing enjoying. im happy terence came (out of how many people i texted about the carnival, only one came) with his friend. haha, he can't stop calling me asian emma watson. no, i dont look at emma watson at all! after that, took pictures a little, then the carnival ended. afterwards, went to tampines mall. chilled at open plaza while waiting for break fast time. waited with adlina, zul, fadhli yoyo and airie. it was okay though. break fast at long john silver. not really full though. then, went to meet bf again. there was the rest. there was hamdan, fathir, danish, danny and dinie's other two cousins. had a great time talking with hamdan and dinie about saufi. ahahhaha.

kay, here goes the pictures. random order. bye.

at library

nabilah relax, at library.

game over

2009-09-06T15:53:00.003+08:00

its really surprising how things work out now. im not sure if im happy. im not sure how i even suppose to feel. but for sure, i feel jaded. i feel stupid and reckless. i hate this feeling. i moved on, i know i do. but why im still holding grudges? why must i be mad? why must i keep on crying? things were all fine, when i find out things i never ever ever thought would happen. but hey, it happened. no point, turning back. i promised myself not to look back. but i did today. and it was a vvery huge mistake. now, i just hate myself. i dont hate them, i hate myself. to used to love you.

this sucks. when someone you used to know, someone you used to be all the time, someone you love did the same thing again, that hurts you over over over and over again. the same thing that causes you two to wreck. bullshit. it happened again, for the second time though. it's unfair how all this had happened, to me. i see no point complaining. no fuck thing will change. yeah, you moved on. i should be happy for you, but im not.

i dont want to talk to anyone about this. i dont trust anyone now. seriously. i cant trust anyone. only airie and dinie worth to be trusted. i dont want to tell anyone how i feel yet. it's too confusing. what hurts the most, is how most people knew about this, and never told me a bit about me. ah fuck. whatever. who am i to you right? oh guess what, i felt wayyyy better to find out though.

dont talk to me, i dont bother talking to you all kay!

evil

2009-09-03T23:47:00.001+08:00

i hate you for trying to break me into pieces. wait, you broke me into pieces. ah, thanks.

Teenagers

2009-09-02T06:17:00.004+08:00

( dont bother to see the convo. just see the pictures. hahahahaha! )

so yesterday, it was alright. i was late to meet my boyfriend anyway. hehehe. sorry k sayang. so, reached tampines around 6.30pm. wah, janji pukul 6. hehehe. sorry sorry. so after that, went to kfc. yeah, pastamania was cancel since his friends asked us to join them. so there was razin, aidil, faizal, dinie and me. after eating, walked at tampines one. he wanted to buy something, ended up, i was the one who bought something. haha. after that, went lepak. hehe, this is the cute part.

okay, to me its cute. so, we were bored. very bored i supposed. he suddenly said " eh jom amek gambar" ahahha. which means, let's take picture. yeah, there was 30 pictures, but i deleted those that i looked ugly in it. nyahahha. after that, time flies. went home anyway. got home, and bathe. slept.

just now morning, i woke up, ate sahur and then bathe. after that, i used the computer for awhile to finish up my coursework! yes! im done with it! woooo! im super duper ultra happppy! hehehhe. kay after that, i went to school. had ss TA and geog TA. also, i pass my chemistry and fnn TA. alhamdullilah. boyfriend's right. i'm improving. now, i believe i can do this.

im so tired. im fucked up actually. i dont get you, actually. wait, this doesnt have to do anything about my love life. more about my family. if she could say such thing in her blog, why cant i? ugh, whatever. imagine, someone saying things about your mum, saying that, because of your mum, they're living miserably. because of your mum, they cant live happily. ugh, fuck eh. i know my mum well than you okay! you have no rights to say that. you dont know the real story, go know about it. first, my mum has been the one living miserably. raising up three children by herself. then, when two got married, they left the house, just like that. imagine that? she needs to sacrifice for her children's happiness, to live without her other two beloved children. imagine that? have you tried being in my mum's shoe? she was sick before this, and she is now. and there you go, complaining, saying because of her, you cant live in your own house. eh hello, fikir first can?! you dont know the reasons for why she cant sell the house, for why she dont want to sell the house. she dont even want to do anything with your family. ask yourself, what you've done wrong. dont blame others for your misery. think about others please. you have a higher education of religion than me. but shameful that you talk such things to your own mother in-law. shame on you.

oh whatever. anyway, everything is okay. i miss someone. i wish i suffer amnesia so i can forget about him. his shadows are hunting me. the memories of him, are hunting me. being around his arms, it still suffocates me to think about it. i want to get over this.

anyway, i miss yananana. i miss eeeechan! i miss airieee. i cant wait to go shopping tomorrow! (jumps up and down)

i love dinie, i do. i know i do, i know.

Bottom Of the Road

2009-09-01T16:57:00.002+08:00

i miss raihanah baby!

hello everybody.

today is teachers day. no school. so boring. i miss my boyfriend. i miss my friends (specifically airie, eeeeechan, nabilah, mastiqah, nadirah, hernany, amalina, liyana, sheril and others) but im happy tonight is going to be a good night. (singing i got a feeling imagining nany doing the woo wooo)

im so sad that i couldnt accompany kak mas just now. i slept at 2pm and i just woke up. hahaha. i spent my morning watching tv, doing english proposal, and maths reflection. i did a little bit of coursework and decided to doze off. hahaha. i woke up to bf's text asking today want to eat at where? haha. i decided pastamania. weeee! sejak sejak loaded kan aku nie.

i think i better go change now. i dont want to get the boy waiting. the plan is to meet him at 6pm (which confirm i will be late. hoho) and then just chilled for awhile before going to pastamania. after that, go terawih. im so happy today. i was chatting with kor kor and we're talking about songs. haha. he listened to almost all the songs that i do. and he said i look adorable wearing tudung. haha, thanks hor!

okay, i got to change. hehe. bye bye. selamat berbuka everybody!

your guardian angel

2009-08-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

Watch it, it's nice and lovely. hahaha. hadyu sure will love this.

killing me

2009-08-31T20:14:00.002+08:00

okay, today's teachers day performance suck balls. i enjoyed flair nation and fad faction and jiana singing only. other, not bad uh, but, i just hate the way the plan the whole thing. not good. last year's obviouslyyyy better!

so anyway, im bored. i dont know how to start on my coursework. i dont know what to do now. i should have gone to the mosque just now. menyesal. but, im sick. suddenly, gah. my leg ache more. my toe hurts. my back hurts too. damn. okay, tomorrow is 1st September. Tomorrow is also is a free day for me. i dont know if the plan will work out. the other time it was cancel because he had a fight with his mum. haishhh.

today, i didnt see many people. i miss many people anyway. hmm. anyway, today was a very short day. went to school, then went to parade square. after that, help out the deco for teachers day, hahah. Sungguh Lawa! (insert sarcastic face) talk with amira and ayu love. miss them all lah! heh. then joined the rest while watching handball. according to them, someone was furious just now. and i heard syazwani was injured. kesiannnya! i mean, it's just handball, bukannya apa sia!

so then, watch the performance. okay lah, no comment. after the performance, went to tampines mall with nabielah, nany and airie. plan to buy a beanie, but we ended up do some window shopping. maybe i'll buy a beanie tomorrow, when im going out or something. im really hoping i go out tomorrow, with him.

im speechless now. that's it. my day sucks today. anyway, Happy 18th Birthday To You Cousin. and today, its quite rare i talk to my bf unless texting. hmmm. my mum just bought an oven and i love it. and tomorrow, the new refrigerator is coming. which reminds me what happened to my toe back on 28november, my sister's wedding. when i was helping to put the fridge with someone into the kitchen. it cut my toe's nail and it hurt badly. it's a good thing the nail grow (duh!)

okay, i think im uploading the pictures that i owe. okay, im lazy. forget about it. i'll do it some other time.

Happy Teachers' Day!

( dedicated to you, exloverboy)

yeah, move on

2009-08-30T21:29:00.002+08:00

speechless. pointless. useless. regret. hopeless. sad. tears. heartache. betrayed. jaded. hurt. loveless. clueless. just, nothing.

yeah, it ended again. it's funny how this game kept continuing when you know it ended eight months ago. things were fine, and we all know we were great, just wonderful. but woah, it just ended. again, like that. i dont get it, i dont understand. i thought you believe in our love. but finally, you chose not to. you're really messed up boy.

i guess that's it, again. that's another stupid ending of our story, again. nice being with you this one whole week, i mean. really, thank you for everything. eventhough it's not that much, you know i'll never replace you.

its useless that you figured out im the one you will love and not her. why now? why not when i wasnt anyone's? think boy, think.

lets move on from here

2009-08-30T19:51:00.006+08:00

okay, i didnt update today. maybe because im lazy. and for the past two days, i earned $30, without spending on it! yay! im even nearer to buying an ipod. wahhh! sungguh tidak sabar to have an ipod now. kay lah, i just saved $30, its an achievement. hehehe. im so proud of myself. i love fasting month.

anyway, here goes my weekend anyway. on saturday, initially, woke up in the morning. went to teach the student. today was a bonus, surprisingly. i thought a K2 boy! he was soooooo cute! seriouslyyyy, feel like pinching his face! cute nak mampos. not the way he looks, i mean, the way he did his work and stuff, sooo cute! hehehe. after that, went home and helped mum out with the katira drinks. kak mas was also helping. we earn money from helping! hehehee. after that, i went to meet rena baby and hidayah! finally, we meeeet! too bad maya cant join us ):

after that, went to break fast at long john silver. we talk about primary school. hahah, yes. our favourite topic. talk about what happen to them, where they have gone. obviously miss them all, especially Sumayyah Bte Zulkiflee! i misssssss you lahhhhh!

the initial plan was to go terawih together. i got a last minute message from abang saying his at tampines with mum. rena got last minute call from her mum asking her if she wants to go geylang. rena been wanting to go geylang. and hidayah's friend last minute said she's not going child minding service. so, i went tampines, rena went geylang, hidayah went home. i didnt really go meet my brother. my brother and mum was at my aunt's house. i decided to ask my mum's permission to meet my bf (he missed me alot, haha) meet him and his brother and his brother's friend at blue sea. his brother and friend ate there while me and him, walked. haha. after that, we chilled down and talk. walk to take bus. and then meet my mum. after that, went kak mas's house and we talk alot. hahaha. mummy and aunt planning about raya. yeah, raya-ing there on first day.

and today. i ditched madrasah. that was a lie. i got a high fever in the morning and my back was aching and i could not pick myself up. so i stayed in bed till 11am. after a long rest, got up, bathe and help mum out with air katira. kak mas came, and we finished up everything. after that, rushed with her to tampines one. bought the pc game and then, went auntie anne and then old chang kee to buy food for break fast. i saw my bf! hahaha. after that, went home. now, im in front of the lapptop.

anyway, i injured my toe. i was ironing my clothes, when i dropped the iron and it hit my toe. fuck, it was painful. it still hurts okay. so sedih right. and, i remembered i wanted to write many things, but i forgot, almost everything. haiyo. so sad, im forgetful. oh well. tomorrow 31august. tomorrow teachers day celebration. hehehe. (:

anyway, to EEECHAN SUPER DUPER LOVEEE! I LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH OKAYYYY! You're my heartbeat! hehehe. i love you very much, dont worry. i'll never abondoned you super duper love! ♥

Oh yes, Happy Birthday To You Kor Kor! hehehe, 21 already right Terence? hehe (;

- i want to do shopping and i hope tuesday turned out well, boyf.

okay, fine. update~

2009-08-28T22:23:00.002+08:00

fine, i feel like updating. hmmm. here i go anyway, gah!

ive been busy studying and been busy with the boyfriend. yeah, i am busy with school especially. i did not know what has been holding me up. things had been better lately, much better than it used to be. i wish i pass my chemistry and biol TA. i wish i pass my Maths TA2 Retest. i wish, i pass all my tests so it would help me in my EOY results. im no where near good grades. if average, okay fine. anything, just anything to bring me up to Sec 4E, just anything. thanks to my boy, his been encouraging me, helping me in my weak points, especially maths. thank you A.

so anyway, on tuesday. went to school with my daily now. hehee. then, had silent reading. after that, was fnn. there was fnn TA2. wahhh, banyak punya senang :( anyway, then geography. after that, recess. i sat at the courtyard with boyfriend, talking about life. just that, and then we talk about maths. yeah, haha. he sent me to the mt room and had mt. after that english and then maths. surprisinglyyyy, I didnt sleeeep at all! woahhh, great achievement! hehe. went drama. usual routine, played a few games and then mass dance. affter that, went to meet a friend. and then, i went home. at home, break fast with mummy, did english revision and i slept early.

on wednesday, after silent reading, did english TA4. then, chemistry lesson. followed by social studies. during recess, the whole malay gang played hangman. gerek! me and zul won! hehehe. after that, poa test. seriously, i dont know how to do it. hehehehehe. after that, fnn. had fnn at computer lab, eventually. during cme, ms arnita took our class and it was fun. hahaha. i am dynamic, thanks to liling. hehe. after that, lunch break. boyfriend said he wanted to wait for me. haha, i let him do. had an issue during chemistry remedial. end up, we camwhored since mdm chia didnt want to come in. hmmm. then, biol. fun! hehe. then, meet boyfriend. went home, then went out again with loverboy. break fast with him and then, meet boyfriend and others, studied chemistry. at last, i understand! got home at 945pm.

on thursday, went to school with the boy again. then, had morning assembly. was told to do the announcement. everyone said, i was too soft, cant hear. awww, im still not that confident. hehe. then, biol. then, english. after that, recess. studied maths and chemistry with my boy. after that, he sent me to malay class again, how thoughtful. after that, poa. then, break. then, chemistry TA. ehhh, super easy! can do with eyes closed -.- after that, maths Retest. okayy lah. hmmm. then, helped out in ticketing sales. and then i went home (: then, mummy wanted to go aunt's house, near school. boyfr decided not to go terawih, and instead meet me to study with me. i rather study outside than a noisy house. meet him, with the rest. there was razin, nazmi, shabby!, fathir, aidil, faisal, danny. nazmi told me that biol was easy. ah, banyak punya senang. then, went back to meet mummy.

today, in the morning, got lectured about wednesday's incident. after that, english. then, biol. the biol TA was damnnn easy. do with eyes close, sure full marks one! -.- then, PE! yes, PE! hehehe. played netball. fun fun fun. i miss netball very very very very very much. i got GA and Shao Hong got GS. we worked together well. good job! then recess. boyf sent me to lab3. best nya! hahaha. then, maths at comp. lab. after eng remedial, stayed in school, talk with them. went drama. usual routine, then mass dance. on top of it, fun! stayed in school, boyf came to me. he doodled in my foolscap. best -.- then, went to meet mummy and other family members (without brother in law) break fast together at Velu's. and then went home. i just finished Teens Camp Grand Sheet Oraganiser. Alhamdulillah. Anyway,

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY MY RACHEL OOON! I LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY VERY MUCH! (;

Life, it has been great ♥

i really love you

2009-08-28T20:57:00.003+08:00

hello. im really sorry for not updating lately. i was busy studying for the various subjects Term Assessment. since i had time now, and eventhough im almost half dead, i just thought i have to update. im very tired now. how?

That's it. im going to sleep. i promise to update tomorrow. good night everyone, i love you very much (;

-cant wait to meet my whole lot bestfriend forever tomorrow. i miss them alot! (:

what else can i say?

2009-08-24T20:02:00.002+08:00

i was happier than i thought on a fasting month. i dont care if we could not even be that very close, at least we are spending time together. that's fine, at least. he knows i appreciate him, right?

so, i got to school by cab today. i had no coins with me. so, i have to take the cab eventually. after that, meet dinieku at kadir. then, went to school with him and his adik. hmmm. it was a short distance. nothing to elaborate about. then, morning assembly. it was alright. there was a short speech by vp about 3e5. wahh, bangganya dorang. haha, then. the rugby announced their achievement. congrats to them for getting third placing. good job! (Y) and bob wore his bro's jersey. hahah, macam budak american football lah they all. hahah. so after that, went back to class. have maths lesson, fun. followed by mt. got into the art room. eh, the room way way way better. i like the room. hahaha, jakun. and nadirah got fascinated with my carebear. she goes" weee, lets dance!" and she kononnya, immitate the care bear's voice. ahhaha. and go sumbat the carebear into her pencil case, mcm pocong. after that, ss. nak marah tak tentu pasal. recess time. love came to my class. we talked, and did a little maths. tapi, ada je lalat menyebok.

so, love came into my classroom, sitting at the table beside me. thennn, nazran, the lalat, came menyebok. he suddenly talk to dinie about maths in the middle of our conversation. ehhh hello, orang tengah berbual, suka menyampuk?! then, since im weak in maths, i didnt know any of them. nazran go say " nad, tu pon kau tak tahu?" kurang ajar per kau. then, i went in front. and nadirah agrees with me, nazran menyebok. hahah! i thought nazran hates dinie. i mean, he kept telling me bad stuffs about dinie. about how dinie when he was in primary sch, and even criticise dinie's academic. please eh. you so clever, why never go 3e3? berbual tak pakai otak. and my love took my carebear. hahah.

after that, followed by poa. ahhh, poa test stress nak mampos. i dont think i get any of the format right. i want to cry ): then, geography. i didnt really pay attention. instead, i kept criticising rachel's note. hehehe. sorry darling. but i love you okay! hehehe. after that trybe. okay, im already into the mood of the carnival. heheeh. then, break. tried to fix back my care bear into my bag. bf broke the hook )': hahaha. then maths. did 10years series, then maths quiz with rachel dear. hehe. i love you! then, waited for bf at courtyard. while waiting, did my maths homework. he then ended his lessons. did some studying, and then went to accompany him take bubur. then i went home. bf said i look happy lately. i kept smiling and laughing. good. terence will surely be happy(:

i got home and sleep for awhile. woke up and got prepared for break fast. while waiting, bathe then eat. then, i got stomach pain now. alahhhhh. and i didnt follow my mum go mosque. i need to study fnn and do maths homework. alright, im going now.

and today, you accidentally, call me baby (;

it's the end of our story

2009-08-23T17:54:00.008+08:00

it was actually, PERGI DENGAN DINIE LAHH!

(conversation with bestfriend. after the indirect fight in facebook. here we ended up, the end)

I guess that's the end of our story, that's just it. i thought we could at least be friends. but, all you do, is blame it on me. why cant i be happy like others do? all i can do, is pretend you never exist in my life. i hope you'll come back to me one day. you know i love you. no matter what, im still here waiting for your presence again, bestfriend.

and thank you terence. you see, you're just some person i know from SDC, who happen to be a tour guide, but you're a nice person. thanks for listening. i hope you'll be fine now. there's thousands of better girls out there for you, who is better than her. okay? take care. ( you dont know my new blog url, sadly)

and that's it. i wont turn back. i have my dinie. and i love dinie. i'll move on. leaving everything behind. like he want it to be. goodbye my loverboy, i will miss you.

loving us,

2009-08-23T14:39:00.002+08:00

i used to tell myself, after what had happened to my previous relationship. after what had cause my relationships to wreck and fall into pieces. i've learnt my lessons very well. i know where i've gone wrong. but i'm confuse, the part why he still leave me, despite loving me alot. im very confuse, about that part. his hard to tell, his special. but life move on. i guess he moved on already with his other better bestfriend.

anyway, i used to tell myself, that i'll be much faithful now. i'll be very comitted to the next relationship i will have. no matter if his my ex boyfriend or just another guy i fell for. i must admit, i fall in love very easily. the boy knows how to win my heart. i told myself, i'm going to be honest to my next relationship, no matter who he is. and i found him, the boy who learnt about me very well. and there, he chose to love me. i chose to love him, now.

i used to tell myself. i'll make sure my next relationship will stay true and strong. and i'll be faithful, comitted to my boyfriend. i promised myself, i'll work things out with my boyfriend, the one who will be mine then. and i found someone i want to love. and someone who will love me. i moved on.

im moving on now, and things are going to be okay. im just going to ignore my past. everything that got to do with my past. eight months ago, i thought things will be fine between us. i thought, he'll be mine again, one day. but i was wrong. oh well, life move on.

i have dinie ashraf now. and i love him. he loves me, eventhough he knows how hard time im going through now. he has been there for me, thank you dinie ashraf. im going to learn what's love. and i believe, you're the right person. thanks.

and now, all i have to do. is try be friends with shahzrin, my ex bestfriend. pray hard he'll give in. goshh.

i love you,

2009-08-23T12:15:00.003+08:00

hello everybody. i miss my dinie ashraf already. how? nevermind, iman kuat for this time. hehe.

so i just came back, an hour ago from madrasah. mummy said she decided to do the baju raya for me this year. it's blue. yay! so im currently chatting with my bf. i had great time texting shabby during madrasah time. haha. so anyway, today's madrasah was borrring. only the first period. ustaz ibrahim's period was superb! hahah. ustaz and his lawakness. heh. then, walked home with rena. and now, here.

i think im staying home today doing revision, studying, chatting with bf, bloghopping, facebook-ing and teaching my bf facebook. hahah. nie lah, budak baru merangkat masok facebook. and i think im going to finish up that malay wb which have 39pages to be done. and also maths homeworks. wahhh. i have many homework. and i dont feel hungry at all! good (Y) i can survive this, yay! i know i can. im strong!

nady strong! okay bye. maybe, upload pictures later.

72 out of 132 stupid things

2009-08-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

Nadirah tagged me on facebook. i decided to do here.

NOT STUPID
Level 1
(x) Smoked A Cigarette
(x) Smoked A Cigar
( ) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
( ) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 2

Level 2
( ) Fallen In Love with a Non-Living Thing
(x) Been Dumped
( ) Shoplifted
( ) Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 4

Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
( ) Slept With A Co-worker
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 7

Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
( ) Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 9

Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding/Skiing
() Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook (Friendster counts.)
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 11

Level 7
( ) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers
(x) Love/loved Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
( ) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 14

Level 8
( ) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
() Built A Sand Castle
( ) Gone mudding
() Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 15

Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
( ) Gone Sledging
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 19

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
(x) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 21

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
(x) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Been cheated on
(x) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 25

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
( ) Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 28

Level 13
( ) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight

SO FAR: 30

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Look
(x) Witnessed A Crime
( ) Pole Danced
(x) Questioned Your Heart
( ) Been obsessed with post-it-notes

SO FAR: 33

Level 15
( ) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
() Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 35

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers
( ) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 39

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made a Prank Phone Call
( ) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 42

Level 18
( ) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
( ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or anywhere

SO FAR: 44

Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
(x) Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
( ) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 46

Level 20
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(x) Swore at the teacher, in front of them
( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 47

Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
( ) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 49

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
( ) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(x) Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently stayed Up for a while talking to someone you care about

SO FAR: 52

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
( ) Had/Been In A Tree House.
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 54

Level 25
( ) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
( ) Gone Streaking
( ) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 54

Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
( ) Broken A Bone
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 58

Level 27
( ) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
() Made A Porn Video
( ) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 60

Level 28
( ) Mooned/Flashed Someone
( ) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(x) Cheated On A Test
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
( ) Been Kicked Out Of Your House
(x) Tried to hurt yourself

SO FAR: 63

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 67

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
( ) Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR: 71

Level 32
( ) Been shot at/or at gunpoint
( ) Had sex in the rain
(x) Flattened someones tires
( ) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
( ) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

I got 72 out of 132 stupid things. bodoh nya aku.

attention

2009-08-22T20:03:00.002+08:00

okay, i'll make this fast. please take note that im changing my blog url. yup, i'll be moving to another blog. the url would be friend to friend news. i'll inform some, not much. and probably, it will be private. havent made up my mind you see. okay, here goes my recent days

on friday actually. it was a fine day. i went to school taking 8. i saw this familiar car. yes, it was him. oh well, i bet he had no coins to take bus. hmmm. so i walked to school from springfield. my bf was so haywired with wanting to meet or not. haha. funny you. ended up, i walked into school alone, telling him its okay, we'll meet during recess. so anyway, english was alright. my partner, ms rachel oon, was absent. wah, so bored dont have her. initially, nany sat beside me, yay. tak boring. lol. after english, was biology. the presentation. finally eh, we did presentation. overall, two thumbs up (Y)(Y) then pe. we played captains ball. i was chosen as captain because mrtan only remembered my name, nabilah's and nadirah's. almost all teacher will remember this three. oh well, my groupmates were awesommmmexz. we all played great, seriously. sheril, luqman, zullie, yf, sze min and lin mian. (L) hahaha. after that recess. bf fetch me from class, sweetnya.
so, i didnt want to eat. we only ate chocolate bread and watch the chinese dance performance. someone passed by me and gave that cute jeling look. haishh. then maths. i feel so kekok without rachel helping me out in bearing. hmmm. okay then, english remedial.

bf texted saying he didnt go solat because his friends didnt. bagus, ikut-ikut kawan. so, he accompanied me to have my lunch. ate at blue sea. ive been craving char mee for ages. chey not ages, been weeks actually. so, while walking to blue sea, it rains. suspect kuat mas tengah nyanyi. hehehe. so, ate char mee. then went back to school. best, the rain got even heavier. so, thought of waiting at the void deck, but no point. it got heavier. walked briskly to school, with the whole sec2 rugby boys behind. mcm ahli marhaban behind. so after that, went drama with nazie.

since only two of us the excos, we did the activities for them while waiting for MSB to join us. it was fun actually. then, msb came and he joined in the game that hazim had suggested. best gile. then tu minah saleh suggest another game. okay uh, not bad. then after that, they did movement games. i recoreded some videos. haha. then, accompanied nazie go eat fp. after that, meet bf. then went home. i was tired, i slept till 9am the next morning. hehehe. sorry never replied any messages.

then, woke up and ate sahur at 4am. then sleep again. woke up to go teach the kids. my student didnt come, again. i couldnt be bothered to ask her brother. so, i taught hanna at first. then i taught huzaify, ustazah's son, because rena gave up on teaching him. so saket hati, eventhough i taught him, he still dont understand. wah, sungguh susah. so then, went home and i felt sick. great, i got fever. but i still survive (: helped mum do air katira, then i sleep. woke up, prepare buka, buka with mum and then now, i want to do homework.

bf havent texted, what you doing uh? )':

note to self

2009-08-20T20:55:00.001+08:00

something, just some few things i need to recall anyway.

i owe mummy $24.60 for the prepaid card. must pay her.
still cant make up mind to go teach the students tuition or go sc meeting on first day of puasa
i need new clothes
i need an mp3/ipod for my morning entertainment. goshhhy.
i owe an old friend for his spoilt handphone i had caused on it, silly me.
i got to start revising my work
i must save up for 5th September!
~~i want him back~~
i need to organise myself now
i need to go and change my ezlink card before 30september
i need to do many practices on maths and chemistry
i need tuition for POA
i must buy an MP3 or ipod for my dull morning!
i have to borrow mummy money, again
i need to forget alllllllllll the promises he made and move on
i want amnesia, can?
i want my old life back, haish.

that's just it. i want to cry. i really want to cry. not to self, i miss you.

soo much

2009-08-20T20:03:00.002+08:00

i got this from natiara's blog when i bloghopped a long time ago. it's true, very true. oh well, that's it. nothing to talk about the past. so, let's fast forward.

i woke up today, again with the stomach cramps. told ya the painkillers didnt do any work at all. stupid pills. i didnt want to go to school since my stomach is upset. but i still go to school, semangat biol. so, i reached school around 8am, with kambing walking to school with me. then, assembly in hall. after that, biol. yay! TA2 postpone till next week. then, english. did a compo writing.which reminds me, im not done. and oh, i criticised devilla to rachel. hahaha. hair like boiled pasta. but rachel's hair was cut by bowl. lol. joking! then, recess.

followed by mother tongue. went back to the old class. i sat beside luqman. haha, bestfriend aku. (inside joke) then, poa. so i slept because i was very tired and the cramps were killing me. try being in my shoes of such cramps. imagine uh.

so then, lunch. i ate yogurt, only. followed by chemistry. i fell asleep suddenly because i was feeling restless. sleeepyhead me. then, maths. i was pretty energetic. im sooo killing rachel one day. hehehe. i love you lah okay! then, i stayed in school. tunggu itu kambing lah! had a great laugh with zul and friends. hahaha. dalam senyap2 eh ayu. ish3. hehehe.

after that, kambing accompanied me to bustop. thank you k. and okay, i wont panggil youu kambing anymore, from tomorrow onwards. HAHAHA. went to petal garden mcdonalds to meet fatin, ustaz and aimran for planning of camp meeting. haha. we went back to basic, of writing instead of typing in laptops. because, i didnt bring my laptop and ustaz has his point. laptops can easily make you distracted. then went home.

okay, i want to study for all the TAs next week. and i got many things to do anyway. i got to do grandchart for camp plan, i need to study fnn, biol and chem TA. i need to study poa test. i need to start revision. i need to study maths retest. i want to score a little higher. i need to move on with life. a must for that one. oh wait, i already did -.-

my life, is going to be okay. i know, im fine. everything is going to be fine. it takes time, to adapt to everyything.

i miss Eeechan! i miss Airieee! i miss Liyana Afiqah! i miss Safuraaa! i miss Raihanah! i miss all of them, i miss hanging out with them. i miss wasting time with them, just talk and talk. especially you, SDL. doesnt mean im not with him, we cant hang out anymore? i love you, you know that. dont do anything that will tear us apart okay? imyvm. )':

in your opinion

2009-08-19T22:06:00.002+08:00

you know pretty well, what i'll just do.
i cry, simply a cry baby.
blame me, if this is really my fault.
i never thought this is how it will end between us, just like that.
what is it that we love about us?
im still confused.
but, what i'll wish, goodluck in your life without me.
my absence wont make huge different in your life, anyway.
you always said, you're used to being alone.
and after all this time, we love to end it, leaving the story hanging.
i don't want it to happen, just like this. but, it has been said.
it ended.
no, it's not a goodbye.
i know one day, we'll be together again. just like we've planned.

you know how much i love you, eventhough it kept fading and kept coming.
nobody can ever replace someone so special like you. nobody, not even him. and he knows that.

say it again

2009-08-19T12:10:00.008+08:00

hello everyone. im at school right now. im sorry for not updating yesterday. i was busy baking cookies for coursework B. it's a sad thing that, during practical exam in school, the cookie turn out to be flat. boleh buat main frisbee. haishhh.

so anyway, hello earth. i miss blogging and twitting alot. hehe. anyway, i wasnt in any good mood anyway. i was afraid to face any truth yesterday. anyway, today is 19th august. how i wish, i would at least celebrate something. oh well, it's over, right?

i miss someone so much. to be honest, i really miss him eventhough all i want to do now is, is forget him. just move on, if that seems to be the best thing to do. oh great, just great things turn out this way. sigh.

anyway, my tuesday was another mundane one. i went out from home at 7.45am. bagos right? (Y) then, reached school at 8am. usual silent reading. then, fnn. did practical. hancur teros. then, geography. i didnt eat during recess. after that, mt. then, english. then, maths. then, cca. i didnt have any mood. i just want to cry. but wait, im strong! so, just sat one side, and watch them dance. such a laughing matter. after that, meet mum and have late lunch, early dinner. best, tu je aku makan semalam.

at night, baked butter cookies. very very nice. mummy and abang like. heheh. so after that, slept early since no one to call at night. chey no lah. i slept at 1am because i did homework. okay, i'll update at night. nothing much to say now about my day.

oh wait, i got a very bad cramps! sumpah, sakit nak mampus. i seriously hate the stomach cramps. i shouldnt come to school. wahhh. later got remedial. so tiredd! haisssssssssssh.

[EDITED]
so eventually, had assembly after fnn. thanks to sheril, i was pulled to become student actors. thanks eh kau! sungguh memalukan. and sungguh macam faham. and he kept staring at me, wah. thanks eh! so after that, they asked questions about smoking. sumpah, aku macam faham. after assembly, EAS week appreciation. after that, go behind school buy root beer. hehehe. kambing ada! lol. he accompanied back to school.

then, had maths remedial. after that, went to meet itu kambing to study chemistry together. i understand more and i already know how to do chemical equations for acids. yay! kay, can do chem TA2. hahaha, macam faham. then, meet mummy go eat. after that, went family clinic to check on my stomach. wah best, i found something about it.

i seriously cant eat chilli and any food associated with vinegar. great, just great. and i still have the cramps. so very painful. there's only painkiller, which never works. and mum said " setiap kali kau gaduh ngn die, kau sakit je. betol ke kau sakit atau kau sebenarnya sakit cinta?" ahh, my mum macam faham betol. then went home.

okay, i want to study biol now. i must beat kambing in his Physic. hahaha.! im sooo going to win you!~

shaz, imy.

what if?

2009-08-17T22:50:00.002+08:00

what if i die tonight?
will you ever regret letting me go? will you ever regret, not treasuring me for the past eight months? mostly,
will you ever regret, not saying how much you love me, for the last time?

eight, is a nice number. but, it's such a misery anyway.

why me?

2009-08-17T20:06:00.004+08:00

what's pride and ego to you? i swear, i just dont understand you.

im lazy to post today. i had a mudane day and the only thing that satisfied me was, something. and, i really appreciate that short moment with bestfriend today, i dont know why. i just love being around him that point of time. eventhough he just lovee hurting me and being so sarcastic, i still love it.

oh well, i wont update for now. i just want to cry. haha. i dont know. i hate this. goodnight.

so pick up yourself now

2009-08-16T20:57:00.005+08:00

okay, im very sorry for not updating lately. im pretty, lazy and busy you see. chey no lah. ive been go out and im pretty lazy to update when i come back. heeee(:

Friday (14/8)
so it's a friday. anyway, i had a super duper ultra great time on this days. hahahaha. yes! i love all the days very very very very much! they are just one of the greatest day of my life, seriously. so, usually friday. i was late to meet bestfriend, so i went to school taking 8. saw man, so walked with him. kay then, usual class family time. had eng filing. then biol test, i dont know how to do )": then, pe. played 'legball' which was invented by me, nany, carmen k, jasmine and rachel. after that, recess. i didnt eat, so stayed in class. after that, maths lesson. studied new chapter. after that, went to mccafe with airie, nabilah and nany. then i went home.
changed, and bestfriend called, asking me to meet him and SDL at kfc. so went there and go to school together. bestfriend cant enter school, so i think he ended going home. me and SDL waited for others who are going YOG countdown with us. i was excited plus happy. hahaha. so, others came, and we headed to padang. there were many people there. so we walked, camwhored and waited for the fireworks.
eventually, we were wrong. its not just that that was stored for us. the dance party was another hell of fun! i had a great time there, seriously. amalina, zaiba and chia, and zafirah, von and mun dance with all their hearts out. the others just scream and move. i took videos but im lazy to upload them now. tunggu lama lama kay? after that, at 9 went home. i reached home around 10.

saturday (15/8)
i was still tired. i was suppose to meet rena at 8, but i woke up at 8. bagos sangat. i ended up meeting her at 9 after buat baju. hahaha. so after the whole NEMC sports day, went to LJS to have brunch. then, walked at tampines mall and tampines one. we went to times and found this book. interesting gila babi. hahahaha! then went home. after that, i went to meet my cousin. we had great time. main hide and seek. hahaha. then perut kecut. then, go rasa2 buy tapau. around 9, i reached home. best!

today, i stayed home and i didnt go madrasah. i was still tired and i got fever. since i was lazy to get off bed, i continued sleeping till 11. after that, followed mum to pasar. then, went home. after all these months, finally, there was this reunion. it was already planned by me and sis. i was surprised, mum couldnt recognise her voice, or even her looks. i must admit she's fatter( duhh, anak kat dalam perut bukan makin kecik -.-) and chubbier. tears of joy, obviously. overall, it was fine. now, my duit raya will increase. now, hari raya will be much more meaningful. i just hope, nothing will go wrong again.

and so, there goes my weekends. i will upload pictures as soon as im not lazy and have time. in the meantime, go facebook.

what if, i move on? what will you do? what will you say? tell me please. because, im almost hangover. and secondly, it feels so wrong. you planned too much about the future. you pictured the future so beautiful, so wonderful, so nice, that it going to be crash anyway. why, why must we even think how the future is going to be, when the presence just suck? when there's not even a single hope for us to be together, ever, again. no point. useless. think baby, think.

canin cehenneme oropsu! ;)

i'll be honest with you

2009-08-13T20:51:00.004+08:00

hello everyone.

so i didn't come to school today because i had diahorrea (not sure of spelling it) so i stayed at home, and keep going in and out of the toilet. then, after eating medicines, went to sleep. woke up at 2pm and watched some videos. after that, bestfriend called asking me a date out. haha. macam paham. he asked me to have early dinner together. eventually, since my stomach is no longer upset, went to meet him and had dinner at Mcdonalds. then, he went night study, i went home. right now, im struggling trying to finish up coursework B on Fats. by the way, nabilah, i already have my english file! ^^

so anyway. i have so many things tomorrow that i dont know which to go anyway. but ive chosen. tomorrow, will be following to go wath YOG countdown. yay! got fireworks! haha. sadly bestfriend can't come along. so anyway, im looking forward for tomorrow. i dont know why, but im excited whenever it's friday. so, i wont be going monthly night movie with AY tomorrow. alahhh. but, will join them in NEMC sports day the following week. alright, goodnight everybody.

haha. like i said, it's still too early to say whatever that is meant to say. be patient k.

okay, here are the pictures i owed. in random order k.

Nany did scorpion for me!

Niny, Di1 and Bibi

Nany!
Ri 2!

nothing, lasts forever

2009-08-12T21:23:00.002+08:00

i had a great time with all the girls lately. okay, so i came late actually to meet them. but oh well, i love them vvvv much anyway. so here goes my day anyway. it's pretty bored without bestfriend anyway.

so, went to school with my daily superman, shahzrin. as usual, im late. hahaha. but, not really that late. kay, reached school. then, silent reading. im so in love with the novel im reading right now, bloom. super good (Y) so after that, english. feel like slapping devilla. she nag until half the class slept. haha. i also sleep. since triple L absent, sat beside my dear bibi. haha. after english, chemistry. yay, understand a little. then, ss. okay then, recess. i eat! sadly, no lauk lemak ); after that, poa. I pass POA! im soooo happy and surprised. thanks to nabielah, liling, rachel for helping me anyway. kay then, fnnnnn. print out coursework B. finally, done with it. now left the other one. wahh. after school, went home.

reached home, haha. then, went to meet others around 4 at sheril's house. okayy, im late. hahaha. an hour later, we left, doing nothing. pfffy. i feel useless though. after that, headed to mccafe with nany, airie and nany's sister. we decided to watch some videos or movie. haha. and we did watch phobia. we only watch on middleman and last flight. planned to watch drag me to hell as a group one day! A MUST! after that, headed home.

okay, im done blogging. im going to do my biol homework, then study chemistry and then sleep. someone call me doctor biol because i want to become a physcathrist. thanks eh!

anyway, it seems. you know, i just. i dont know. it's too early to say it anyway. true what bestfriend say, i fall in love so easily, and naively. i dont know, i hate this weird feeling. just feel like crying each time. i dont want to lose anybody, no i dont.

love (?)

2009-08-11T22:30:00.002+08:00

baby, don't waste your time on me anymore. you know i'm not meant for you. and you know very well, we can't be together anymore. so, let's make it right now. will you, please? don't leave me hanging anymore. i love you vvvv much, maybe lesser than i usually do.

and people, me and Shahzrin ARE ONLY BEST FRIEND! i overheard a conversation among two lower sec rugby boys talking abt shaz and me. wtf. tkda hidup eh kau nak berbual pasal orang nye hidup? i know we're close but people, his my ex boyfriend and im his ex girlfriend. it's a dead and gone love story which summarise as ' we ended as bestfriends and live happily ever after.' why the fuck can't you people see that? okay, look. i don't understand why you people even bother about me and shaz anywayyy. it's not like we bring any effect to your life, so please eh? shut up mulut. budak seluar pendek buat hal seluar pendek.

next, don't you ever ever judge my life. if you overheard my conversations with my friends, then just shut up eh. so we happen to sit nearby, and i happen to say someone's name loudly. i bet you hear about it, so please. keep quiet eh about it. first, none of your business. second, your business gi urus betul-betul. then can go spread story about me kay. cakap pagi pandang-pandang, cakap malam dengar-dengar ( just learnt then and have feeling nie salah) god, i hate you vvv much now.

finally. i don't get you, at all. firstly, you're in mess. i don't understand you afterall. what is love to you eh? what is it mean to you when you say you love me very much. do you mean it anyway? is it even really love? i don't get you at all. waited for eight months, and you simply said ' go get attached with him' huh? why? why now? so, if i go to him. you'll leave me hanging, again and again. so when this story exactly ends? i dont want it to end anyway. we both know it's already impossible to live without each other. give in baby, for me please. you once told me you want to know how it feels to love someone else and not me. can't i feel that way too? you know what i mean. but you must always remember, i still love you. just that, the way we're treating each other, it's wrong. and the way we're hurting each other, just hurts alot. i love you.

and oh you. eh, i do have a great time knowing you lately. kay, i know you read my blog. i just want you to know, that thanks for all the conversations and text messages. you do make my day,and you too is nice to talk with. haha. okay lah eh, good luck in your poa. if i win you, i want my ferrero again :P

what happen?

2009-08-11T21:44:00.003+08:00

im sorry for not updating last night. oh bother. anyway, i had a great time yesterday and somehow today anyway. so, about yesterday (singing yesterday by beatles and imagine nany beside me and back up sing me 'yesterday)

Mon (10/8)
okay, i woke up at my cousin's house and headed home. after bathing and changing, went to abang's house. abang then sent me to tampines interchange. then, met the others. i was 15minutes late. blame my brother lahh. kay, so went to sheril's house. first, we got to the wrong storey. then, we doubt we were at the right block and at the right house. after 10minutes being in front of her house, she finally open the gate, baik.
so, did our discussion. webcammed, and eat soto which sheril's mum cook. 10thumps up! hahaha. kay then, nabilah was sooo scared with the cats anyway and i think im allergic to them since after we left the house, i kept sneezing and myy eyes got red. anyway, didnt go to ay meeting since we end our project late. kay then, went window shopping for awhile with nany. hahah. then, went meet mum and the rest at nearby restaurant near my house. saw sulaiman, bulu! ate, then went home. and i saw my ustaz when i didnt go for his meeting -.- great, the next day was school. i wish i can skip school and go watch harry potter.

Today (11/8)
i woke up and hope to skip school. i really wanted to skip school and ask bestfriend to accompany me to the polyclinic, at least. unfortunately, since i miss the others, i just go to school. i was not in the mood, at all. during recess, sumpah mood aku macam gila. i was very dissapointed with someone and very angry and sad. he, on the other hand, realised and asked if im okay? of course im okay, because you actually DID make an effort to do something about it -.-
kay then, mt. i slept, thanks nany cover up. after that english. then maths. got the TA2 back. god's willing, i pass my maths. praises to allah. im soo happy! worth the night study with kak mas till 11pm. and worth last minute on the phone study with bestfriend and last minute messaging with haha. so after that, cca. so, i got my mood back. yay!
eventually, got changed and went drama. only mdm fauziah was there. wahh, i miss ms khong already. haha. after drama, had a great laugh with the others. we come up with names for each of us which is cute and silly (to me) it all happens when i told them what someone called me. ended up, airie is riri. nabilah is bibi. nany is nini. amalina is lili. nazilah is zizi. me and nadirah is vvv much unique. it goes di1 and di2. im di1 since im older than her. and she's di2. hahaha. didi in uniforms. kay merepek. after that, went to have late lunch with bestfriend, shahril, SDL. funnn! (Y)

a conversation i mostly remembered.
SDL: nadiah you eating?
me: no uh. no money. unless shaz want to treat me, hahaha.
Bestfriend: yahh. i always treat you what.
me: alah nvm. when you get married, when i give you hang bao, i give $1000 for treating me all these years.
SDL: if you get married to him lei?
me: nevermind, i still give. maybe i give $10 000. hahahaha!
(after buying food)
SDL: eh, you say you not eating?
me: he force me to eat mah. so i eat lah, haha.
Bestfriend: yah. cos i want her to pay me the $10 000.
( i stare at him, ready to pinch his cheek)
Bestfriend: no lah. i was joking.

Hahahaha. okay, after that went to kadir. accompanied bestfriend for awhile to wait for naufal. went to fp then to buy waffles again with cousin. hahaha.then, went home. okay, i want to do fnn coursework now. bye, dont miss me (:

they never know what gonna happen

2009-08-09T13:44:00.009+08:00

blogger like fuck now.

anyyway, HAPPYYY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, SINGAPURA! so, eventually, im currently at my cousin's house. currently, watching pirates of carribean : at worlds' ends. before that was the simpsons movie. okay, i want to finish up my homeworks. im not really sure what's my plan tomorrow actually. i know there's biol project to be done. okay, im so bored right now.

currently, im stuck and confuse. i dont know eh what to do actually. i still can't see which one is the right one for me. i dont want a win-lose situation. i want to have both of them. on the other hand, one party wont be happy and satisfied, ending im hurting him, so deeeply. he, on the other hand, doesn't care. unless im true and faithful. so which one? D or S?

oh, im sorry for having stupid, suckish post lately. hey, i was only saying what i feel. i can'take it you know. just hurt and betrayed. dont worry, im fine.

im perfectly fine. don't worry! (:

[EDITED]
Kay, im currently watching NDP celebration. i saw zul, my husband! hehehehe. Zul, i told ya i will see you! hehehehe. okay, will be sleeping over at kak mas's house today. im sooo sexcited. tomorrow meeting the others for biol project. okay bye.

i miss Bestfrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeend! )':

2009-08-08T23:50:00.001+08:00

MAKE UP YOUR MIND !
shahzrin baby, quick make up your mind.you dont want to hurt anyone else right?

making day

2009-08-08T21:44:00.002+08:00

okay, this was the only thing that made my day actually. i had a rough week without bestfriend most of the time by my side. his too busy with prelims and im too busy with my you're taking away my life stupid extra curriculum activities. i wish we could hit restart and pause it at our favourite part. we both know which one. back in 2007, always and forever remembered.

today, i went to teach the student again. then homed. meet bestfriend and naufal. we studied and haha. dont want talk about it. biar hati je tahu betapa sakitnya hati. then went to eat tenderbest. thanks bestfriend belanja. kay, bye.

that simply shows i no longer have rights in your life. that also shows im no longer your priority. and that also shows, we're just meant what we already are. dont blame me if i move on too quickly. you wasted too much time.

National Day

2009-08-07T22:32:00.006+08:00

In the Hall, Class picture, super kecoh. and people kept looking at us.
candid -.-
ahh, much better. nice right? the wholeee class!

Me and My love, Hernany!♥Sheril Baby ! ♥

Adilah!♥Yana, Me and Airie, ♥

yeah, us.
with ms. teh, and us. kampung melayu ♥(YESTERDAY'S PICTURE!)
yana masuk frame, haha.
Waiting for NadirahAt Net, buying red clothes. Yana main Chak Chak.

to summarise everything, today suck balls. i was really hoping today will rock my socks. but, just suck balls many many. i hate today, vvv much. first, the 'referree' go believe the N3 which is NOT TRUE AT ALL. this is about the inter-class comp. oh well, dah lepas kan. anyway, today bonded with 3E5, seriously. it was hell fun shouting and screaming and jumping. oh, my whole class wore red. but some changed to class tee then to support floorball. Patrotik lah eh.
there was a fight then between N3 and E5. dah eh korang. sesama melayu tak akan nak gaduh pun, macam budak-budak. oh, i agreed with wei qin. they're so uncivilised. kay then, went BK with safuraa. yay! hahaha. treat her then bestfriend came.
saf left, so just spend quality time with him. too quality, haish. oh well. then, went home.

and right now, i just want to cry. trying to figure out how im suppose to tell everyone here that my day sucks more than you readers. oh well, no point anywayy.

dah, pergi main jauh-jauh. orang tengah penat lah.

endless pain,

2009-08-07T21:53:00.001+08:00

I just want to cry. Cry all my heart out. Why, why all this to me? When all I do is just, love. Why must I deserve this anyway? What I did wrong? I feel so lonely suddenly. I don’t understand all this. I just want to cry. Yes, I’m a cry baby for this. Because, I’ve lost him. Why must you go? Please tell me what I did wrong. I just, don’t want to pretend anymore please. Please, don’t do to me like this anymore. I’m not strong like I thought I am before. And I couldn’t, without you. Please, if you love me. Will you even let me cry for you? If it’s really love like what you always say, then please. If it’s a lie, tell me.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I have hurt you for a thousand times. I couldn’t see you crying for me anymore. I can’t see you living miserably because of me. I feel useless now to be in your life. I couldn’t make up my mind any longer. It’s time to end all this, and you know that very well. Who else will cry? It’s you, or me, or him or her. It’s really becoming worst than ever. You know that very well. I’m really begging you, kneeling down, please, please just please, I beg you, please, stop all this pretence. I’m really tired of crying and being all fucked up about this. I know you are. We’re just ruining our life. I don’t know about you, but I really miss all the time where nothing is wrong and everything is right.

What’s next for us now? I can’t figure anything out. I hate to fight in the love game. I hate to cry for this love that seems so useless and not worth. Why, why was everything beautiful before this? Full of hopes and dreams. No fear of losing each other. So faithful, just so beautiful. I can’t hold on hoping for something that I wanted so bad, but no. I’ll never get it anyway, right? I just want to cry. And you know, I cried too much. I’m trying to stay strong, but I just couldn’t. Because down deep, my love is there for you. It’s lost anyway. I never want to leave you, no just not now. I can’t, just can’t. You’re a part of me, even though it’s hard to prove it to you. I can never replace you, my special one. Honestly, I’m just too speechless.

I lied too much. I pretend too much. I tried to impress you too much. I tried to make you love me too much. I miss you too much. I love you too much. I have you too much. I got you too much. You’re mine just too much. I’m yours just too much. Everything was too much that it’s hard to let go now. Memories of you, too much. I’m like a rose with many thorns, that just love hurting your heart. I’m so stupid, I’m reckless. I’m naïve, I’m unfair and foolish. I’m so selfish. I think about myself and not the one I love. I’m very sorry Shahzrin.

Kira apa dayanya, orang dah benci.

where did i go wrong, again?

2009-08-06T21:49:00.005+08:00

Tag Replies

To Yana : HAHAHAHAHHA. Si bestfriend aku tu memang. and why on earth he threw your correction tape sampai pecah? jahatnya.

To Joeyah : Relaxing. hahaha. wear red tomorrow!

To Reader : thanks for your opinion, but i appreciate if you put your name, you see. anyway, what do mean? i dont get you actually. being naive, yes. i know im naive and surprisingly i realised im not being unfair. secondly, lying to myself? in case you havent been an avid reader, ive been a pretender and pretend everything's alright. will you define, if you happen to come by. just tag as reader, i dont mind. i just want to know more about your opinion.

its in a fvcking mess. i dont know what the fuck i did wrong, seriously. what's wrong with me? where i've gone wrong anyway? why must it be me facing all this? why, just fucking one? when i have something alright, here comes another stupid, selfish one. i dont want to cry, i just dont.

for some reason, you dont want to care. and you know very well, i miss you more than anything now. why? what's wrong with me? what i did wrong this whole week that you're so mad at me? i know for some reason you just hate me so much. so please, just please stop pretending and tell me what's wrong.

i thought you'll be there for me no matter what. then now? i see nothing between us. we're like, complete strangers. seriously, what did i do wrong? tell me can. im tired of being hanging. im tired of being stuck and hopeless. im feel all fvcking useless from all this mistreatment. just a moment, tell me. i want all this to end. i dont see any point to pretend now. tell me, please.

what's with i love you alot? if you said you loved me, you know which to see. you're still stuck. i dont get you, seriously. it's just, useless to talk about love now. i dont understand when you say you love me alot. do you? i cant seem to agree. if you love me, you wont hurt me anymore. if you love me, you know what's the best for me. and if you love me, you want to see me happy and not sad at all. so, is this really love or bullshit? i just dont fucking get it. and if we're really meant to be for each other, why, why we keep hurting each other? every single day.

lets make a conclusion for this relationship that is very rocky. we had too much roller coaster ride. i already got too much dizzy and tears on it. im tired of giving in and trying to work things out. i dont know what else to do anyway. once again, tell me honestly, is it my fault our relationship is so wreck? please, tell me.

i bet you dont miss me much like im missing you now. you didnt care anyway.

anyway, today i fast. yay! nabilah, ive made it! heh. so eventually, i did nothing during recess but chat with some people behind classroom, eh zul? okay firstly. assembly, nothing much. soo many awards. after that biol. some group do presentation. buat penat bawak biol textbk. then english. got back TA3. i pass! i thought nabilah got highest. rupanya, orang orang 26 yang highest lahh! heh. then recess.
mother tongue, do work on wb. one statement for you, kalau senyum please ikhlas, aku senyum ikhlas eh. kay after that poa. then, break. then chem, then maths. during chem and english, i slept =D
so then, headed to tamp one with mas/nadirah/nabilah/sheril/yana/airie. it was fun and quite a few laughter. other left, only me, nabilah and airie. helped airie find red tee tapi budak nie cerewet sangat. in the end, went to meet mum. break fast at fd culture, then followed mum shopping. eh, my mum also find red top for her workplace. bought a few stuffs, then went home. and maybe, IPOD by end of month. wooo, so sexcited.
kay tomorrow national day celebration. im vvvv sexcited cos got free food. then, got inter-class. then celebration, then free stuffs. then meet safi and go BK. yay! cant waitttt! ~~~

please, jangan spoil esok punya mood. aku sepak muka satu-satu eh.

i used to rule your world

2009-08-05T20:36:00.003+08:00

Tag Replies

To Aris : is on 9November to 13November. why? im going ^^

To Safi : aaaawww, thanks awak. i love you vvvv much. i know you wont leave me, i trust you. i too miss talking and going out with you okay! and yeah, i'll cheer up. cant wait for friday ^^

To Yana : HAHAHA. and no, im not critising you. im short too. anyway, blog kau got say 'someone threw my correction tape' was it me? :S

To Joeyah : ehh i dont care. i want to go. hahaha. tak kesah penat ke tak, i still want to go. if you guys can survive, why not me?! =P

the reason for my title, i just finished passing by my dear airie's blog. so yah, no idea for title. just type that then. anyway, i miss Khairiyah Bte Abdul Kadir many many many. it's quite rare for us this week to spend time and just talk about our lifes and also gossip. i really miss her many many. i wish school wont pull my time for my loved ones.

this week, bestfriend had his own prelims. we didnt talk much too. its quite sad how we've been arguing lately. i dont know, i just feel like crying whenever i have an arguement with me. it Sucks okay. i will feel fucking guilty eventhough it seems i did nothing wrong. alah. i dont know lah eh.

so yesterday.

woke up at 7am and cook nasi goreng
then, bathe
without realising, im late to meet bestfriend. so, i took 8 and he got pissed off with me, haish
reached school, with pissed off face. then, usual morning stuffs with sheril
usual temp taking and then silent reading. then headed to computer lab
tried to complete coursework part B, and was given another one more task on coursework B -.-
then geog, then recess. then mt, then english (which i slept) and then maths (fadhli)
and then went drama
and then waited for bestfriend and hang out for a while. he borrowed me his hp. yay!
and got a call saying uncle sent to hospital
then went to meet kak mas and study together

okay, for today.

i was not late upon meeting bestfriend. but i was almost late in reaching school
usual temp. taking and then silent reading
chemistry experiment! it was super fun. and we got the pop sound =D
then english. then social studies. then recess. me and nabilah studied, yay.
then poa TA2. then fnn test. then ~~stupid~~ trybe meeting and then maths remedial.
i saw Dinie and he gave me this Kit Kat chocolate. No, its not from him. it's from Safuraa! awww, thanks dear for the Kit Kat. i love you vvvv much okay (L) . and yeah, i'll cheer up okay awak? (;
after that, went tampines mall to collect class tee. loathee it :)
kay then, went home.

anyway, i looked into my closet. i found my other size 17(super big!) uniform, SC tee which been ages i didnt wear. i found my other PE teeshirt and other clothes. wah, teroknya aku.

right. that's it. i officially dont know what the fxck is going on with my life. i just feel like crying and honestly, nobody is really listening. i feel like im hating myself day by day.

bestfriend(s), can you hear me?

2009-08-03T23:31:00.003+08:00

i dont know how im suppose to feel. i just want to cry. i dont know if it's my fault. im clueless, speechless upon whatever had happened. is it my fault? tell me. tell me right to my face. im already fxcking miserable, so please, dont do this to me now. i dont want to be hurt, anymore.

am i really a good bestfriend? do i really hear them like they usually hear me? i just feel so useless each time i see some friends talk behind me. i know, nobody is perfect. in many ways, people will still talk behind me, and obviously, i do. i dont want anymore pretence. i dont get it. i just dont, at all. what's wrong with me? what happen to me? honestly, ive changed too much. is it my fault ive been crying to myself. im clueless, speechless. where did i go wrong? why my friends seem to leave me, one by one. dont go, please.

i just want to cry. i dont know where ive gone wrong. im losing almost my thoughts with tonnes of stupid conclusions and stupid thoughts. i cant seem to see what's right and wrong any longer. i feel suckish even everyday. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to be lost. i need my bestfriend(s) as much as they need me. i dont know if ive been selfish, or its just me. i dont know if ive been ego, or its just me. i dont want to cry any longer. where ive gone wrong? tell me.

a true friend tells how ugly a friend looks in her/his dress. a true friend will never let his/her friend fall. a true friend listens to his/her tears, no matter what. and a true friend stays with him/her, forever. through thick or thin.

dear bestfriend(s), can you hear me? tell me what's wrong.

much effort

2009-08-03T22:45:00.002+08:00

oh well. i have so much to say, but so little time today. i didnt login earlier because i was studying maths and doing my malay homework. im so tired.

anyway, i feel very useless today. i dont know, but seriously i do. my own love, she ignored me today when i called her. i know when she does not have mood, she will still turn to me and say something to me. i dont know. am i that useless friend anyway? am i? i feel very useless, as a friend to almost all my bestfriend. and slowly, i dont know how to treat my friends properly. i suck. i really suck. oh god.

today was okay. finally, assembly at the parade square. so i was told to tie my hair. just damn it eh. and i was almost late to meet bestfriend. sheesh. woke up late, you see. so then, maths lesson. then malay. there was malay TA3. according to edhora, i was very kusyuk in writing my karangan. hahah. then, ss. i got 8/12 for SS TA3. okayy lah, not bad. then recess. hahaha. weird incident. i drop both my fork and spoon after teasing liyana. wah, sway. then, poa. then, geography. me and rachel slept for the whole period, seriously cooling! then there was trybe.
after that, there was meeting for those sec3 that attended sec1 camp. i really want to go OBS. i cant wait, im so sexcited. i dont really care whose going, as long as i have fun (; let's pray it wont clash with my NEMC camp.

okay then, i had fnn coursework b workshop. then, went to watch rugby match against damai sec. we won! in your face damai! chey tak lah. i didnt saw ahmad. eh, i miss that funny guy. there was many that i know, but i couldnt bother to talk to them. handphone perangai. cibaaaai. then, went to aunt house to help her pack stuffs. then went home. okay, im done.

anyway, im soo hungry. i want to eat alot but i need, and dying to save up money. since my handphone is in ICU right now, i have no ways to contact people. however, i already got the chance to communicate with someone in other ways! (;

goodnight, i love you handsome!

2009-08-02T21:36:00.002+08:00

Write the names of 14 people you can think off the top of your head, then answer the questions.

1. shahzrin
2. airie
3. nanyyyy
4. raihanah
5. nabilah
6. amalina
7. eeeechan
8. dinie
9. nadirah
10. liyana afiqah
11. nazilah
12. yananana
13. zul
14. kamil

How did you get to meet 7 ? [eeeechan]
during under 17 rugby match finals. we talk and we exchange smile (((;

What would you do if you and 13 never met? [zul]
haha, entah. but later no prince in my life. LOL.

What would you do if 1 and 12 date? [shaz and yana]
hahaha! i'll slap shaz and never going to talk to yana, ever, again.

Have you ever seen 14 cry? [kamil]
pernah. eh yes, ada! (sshhh. hehe)

Would 4 and 11 be a good couple? [rena and ella]
NO. ahhahahahahhahah.

Do you think 11 is attractive? [ella]
she's pretty.

What's 2's favourite colour? [airie]
REDDDDDDDDDDD! ;)

When was the last time you talked to 9? [nadirah]
just now, on the phone.

What language does 8 speak? [dinie]
tamil. chey tak lah, malay and english.

Who is 13 going out with? [zul]
i dont know. with his princess lah.

What grade is 12 in? [yana]
secondary three

Would you ever date with 10? [liyana afiqah]
eh can what! hehehe.

Where does 5 lives? [nabilah]
tampines, beside pasir ris sec.

What's the best thing about 3? [nanyyy]
she rocks. she make me laugh non-stop and we can go crazy macam no tomorrow.

What would you want to tell 10 now? [liyana afiqah]
hello sayang. cheer up okay. and i love you vvvvvvv much! (L)

Describe 8? [dinie]
his funny, baik. cute, friendly. and he got nice smile (:

Have you ever kissed 9? [nadirah]
astaga. tak lah, she's a girl.

What was the best memory you have with 7? [eeechan]
every moment with her! (:

When's the last time you're going to see 6? [amalina]
foreverrrrrrr, because i bet she'll appear in tv again. ahhaha.

How is 14 and 12 different? [yana and kamil]
many lah! she's a girl and his a boy -.- one short, one talll.

Is 6 pretty? [amalina]
terlalu pretty, terlalu sexyy.

How did you meet 5? [nabilah]
first day of junyuan.

Is 1 your best friend? [shahzrin]
YES! my bestest bestest best guy bestfriend ever!

Do you hate 12? [yana]
i love her many many.

Have you seen 4 on the last month? [rena]
yes. every sunday i shall say.

When was the last time you talked to 3 ? [nany]
Friday, and i miss her already.

Have you been to 5's house? [nabilah]
sadly, no. at her void deck onlyyy.

When's the next time you gonna see 10? [LA]
tomorrow. haha

Are you close to 13? [zul]
we just divorced. chey mcm phm. hahah, quite close.

Have you ever been to a movie with 4 before? [raihanah]
yes, the last one was the coffin.

Have you ever gotten into trouble with 8? [dinie]
no.

Would you give 2 a hug? [airie]
of courseeeeeeeeeee! i miss her many many.

When have you lied to 3? [nany]
when all of us hid her wallet. HAHAHAHAH!

Is 1 good with socializing? [shaz]
Hahahah. with girls!

Do you know secrets about 11? [nazilah]
urm, yah. many, HAHAHA.

Describe the relationship between 12 and 14. [yana and kamil]
STRANGERS

Best thing about your friendship with 9? [nadirah]
she always be there for me (:

What's the worst thing about 6? [amalina]
memekakkan telinga.

Have you ever had a crush on 8? [dinie]
hahahaha.

Does 14 has a girlfriend or boyfriend? [kamil]
yes, hahaha. my nenek sama age. ahhaha!

Have you ever wanted to punch 1's face? [shaz]
hahah! dah pernah pon

Has 2 met your mother? [airie]
yeah, hari raya/

How did you get to meet 3? [nany]
first lesson of orientation, haha. we even numbers mahh.

Did you ever physically hurt 3? [nany]
agaknya. the other time i for fun push her to the wall. sorrry! :S

Do you live close to 7? [eeechan]
not at all

What's 1's favourite food? [shaz]
sambal tumis ikan bilis (nenek punya)

What kind of car does 1 has? [shaz]
he wants BMW.

Have you travelled anywhere with 9 before? [nadirah]
to sentosa.

If you give 14 $100 , what will he/she spend it on? [kamil]
i think he will treat his princess somewhere ultra romantic and sweet. hahaha!

fuck wishes

2009-08-02T20:23:00.004+08:00

(a song dedicated to you,)shahzrin

baby you know, sometimes i wish i could go back to the past. i will never let you go. okay, maybe you heard this almost thousand times, but it's the fact, i regret my whole life. imagine eh, you didn't leave me, we wont fight. we wont have this stupid arguments that seem to be a never ending story. you wont fall for her, i wont fall for him. things wont be wrong. we'll be the happiest, and you know that pretty well.

im sorry that i hurt you for million times already. i swear, i never meant to hurt you. but my life has been so unfair. for you, as my companion, you know how it has been. how you treat me unfairly, at times. people kept saying to me, stop. stop giving you chances. but i still want to, because i know, down under, i still love you. yes, i know, there's no hope, at all, for us. us together? no, not even near there. you're in your dream of being with someone else, and me oh well. im still jaded and stupidly crying over my dreadful life and the mistreatments everyone is treating me. i wish i can have those old times back. when it's all about you and me, Only. but yeah, fuck all those wishes. is never going to happen again.

i yet to know what's happening next. in case you forgot, we plan too much for the future. for some reason, that's why we will never let go of each other. i really love you, as you're very special. i dont know. i dont want to lose you, never. not even in million years. but i dont know. you seem to not, care. im really confuse. i wish we could sort things out. just one thing, please. put away your ego. wouldnt you want to see me happy? even if it's someone else? the reason im still hanging, is because you left me clueless. i have no direction, and you're not saving me. im suffocating.

i dont want to let this go. so please, let's sort things out. let's work things out. we both know we can do this. we both know things will be okay, one day. and there is a such thing call working out. i know we're going to work out. so please, look into my eyes, and tell me everything. everything you've been hiding from me. every bit of your feelings.

anyway, secondly, a bestfriend of mine seems to change. i dont know if it's just me, but she change. we rare talk about our life again. we rarely share secrets any longer. we dont go out, just both of us. and we dont seem to do what bestfriends do. i know that we're very far apart, and i know we're busy with our lifes, but i wish she could spare a moment for us to sit down and just talk about how our lifes are anyway. i miss all the old times. i dont want to lose her. she's really a good bestfriend. my all time favourite. i hope, she knows its her. and i hope, she understands me. because i know, she understands me very very well.

today i went religious school. then meet bestfriend forawhile. then went home. im uncontactable. my handphone keep switching off by itself and i hate it. and urgh. anyway, saving up my cash. i need money for a green clothes for NEMC sports day. i need to buy a MP3/Ipod. i need to buy a new fvcking handphone. it's a fxcking must for me to buy a new handphone. oh well, today is already end. let's see how dreadful my life can go on tomorrow.

give me a break.

somewhere over the rainbow

2009-08-01T15:08:00.007+08:00

hello. i know im suppose to be with AY at marina barrage, but i decided not to go last minutely. it was not a regret move anyway, eventhough ustaz was dissapointed. anyway, in the morning just now, i went to teach the kids at tuition. kay, i teach rena's cousin since my student was absent. according to saufi, his sister is sick, so get well soon okay! (;

so anyway, i chose to customised my blogskin rather than changing everything. anyway, enjoy the song above. i just love it, you see. yes, bestfriend was right. i just love guys who sing while playing the guitar. haha, okay. so sorry airie i cant go out with you today. and i was suppose to go watch harry potter with mummy today, but i was lazy suddenly. ending up, chatting with some people on msn now. currently, bushy!

okay, i just want to say to some people, stop, just stop ruining my life more. im really tired of it. you're just some sick, stupid people. no point lah ruining my ruined life. get it? and seriously, i dont care. i dont want to care. i just want one thing. is for you to let me go. i know, i dont want to be far away from you, but, cant you see that's the only way to stop us from hurting each other, much more? it's stupid. im so missing the old times. the better note of us. i dont know what else to do to this. im really really sick of it.

on a lighter note, im happy because im chatting with bushy. heheh, yes. im bragging about it bushy. because you rarelyyyy go online eh.

kay, bestfriend, what happen to you? senyap je.

[EDITED]

that's it. im so going to fix my guitar and my knowledge on guitar. i want to do something about it. i want to write song for (♥) . hehehe. i also want to do cover songs like others do over youtube. it's so cool. kay, i cant sing. but you know, the sake of fun and to enjoy yourself. maybe, by end of year, i'll do cover song with bestfriend for the song lullaby, where we keep singing together, almost everyday. haha. and i know someone kept saying me being so jiwang in letters that i wrote, in messages i sent, and how i usually post my blog. hahaha, he recommend me to write song. kay lah, tengok dulu kay.

and no, i dont say this because i want to be popular. get this straight, i dont care about being popular. i dont want to be popular. i just want to be extraodinary in ordinary. get it? so please. tkyah nak comment-comment.

how on earth?

2009-07-31T21:51:00.004+08:00

i hate it, when im in love, all of a sudden. and especially, the guy was from your past, that you used to hurt before.

okay, hello everybody. basically, i wont say that much, since i have the mood to change my blogskin after 2 months staying with it, only changing background. so anyway, here goes my day anyway.

so today, i woke up and six and left home at six thirty. reached bestfriend's bustop at six forty. he was late, surprisingly. with his stone head, (hehe, joking) he didnt want to take the cab eventhough it's already seven zero five. eventually, we were almost late. so anyway, class family time, we did posters. english, had TA3 for proposal report. biol, ms lin teach us, ms khong was absent. we all miss her teaching us anyway. then pe. had floorball. today, i suck at it since im tired and lazy. then recess, i ate. yay! thanks mas for accompanying me eat. love you many many. then go change, then maths. then go home.
went home, to get change. i bathe, and then took a nap. i was somehow late, so initially, took the cab to school with bestfriend. thank you. so, was 10minutes late for drama. ten minutes only kan. hehe. had some discussion, then late big lunch. me and irah shared since we were afraid we couldnt finish it. surprisingly, i wanted more chicken (no, not because i want it to be big!) kay then, went to canteen. meet SDL and went to watch rugby. seriously, wasted sey. no hope betol. then went home.

haha, and cb. i hate the way he/she makes him/her sound so cute. tak cute langsung, meluat lagi ada. tomorrow, out with AY. i dont know if im excited because im currently super bad mood. oh, anyone here with kind heart, want to donate me a handphone? just now, my handphone dropped and now, it's not functioning well. great. i hate my life. fuck my life.
so sorry, i cant pick up calls and i cant reply messages that quick, alah cb!

no, im not hurt just because you're texting him/her infront of me. seriously, i dont care. no, im not lying! no, im not jealous!

alachibai

2009-07-30T21:25:00.003+08:00

(picture above: ms khong's experiment on xylem and phloem, transport of plants)

okay hello. sorry i didnt update yesterday. i was squezzing my brain for maths you see. so anyway, about today and yesterdayy.

YESTERDAY
so, finaaaaally, bestfriend go to school with me. after millon of years (hahahah, macam paham) not going to school with me. anyway, i reached earlier than bestfrienddd! wohooo, achievement. kay anyway, usual lesson. had chemistry, then english, then one period of ss. i forgot to bring ss, and great, i was the only one without ss textbook. macam cb gitu. kay then recess. we all ate, yay. then, poa. then, fnn. did practical. hahah, partner with fee. sadly, our gravy can become our soup. not gravy, but soup. then, cme. we're suppose to write about our neighbour. i wrote about rachel! she wrote about me, awww. it's quite rare a person write Good Things about me, not even my boyfriend. then, break. the whole gang went to kadir shop. most of us bought icecream. hehe. then, had chemistry remedial. confusing lahh, but i still love chem. heheh.
then had maths remedial. gerek you know. because, for the first time, im smarter than rachel! yes, i got most of the questions right, and she still can argue with me ehhh. hahaha. after school, wanted to go library, but lazy. so ended up, meeting bestfriend. accompanied me home. then, went to meet airie. eechan cant join us )':
after that, did alot of practices. kay then, went home. went to meet kak mas at her void deck, and study somemore. at 11pm, went home. hit the bed straight away. weee!

THURSDAY
oh great, didnt go school with bestfriend since he got prelim at 1pm. anyway, got up from bed at 7.15am. heehehe. reached school at 8. saw adilah, sheril and joeyah studying. joined them. then, one by one come to us. after that, headed to class as the whole gang. first period was biol. transport on plants (above) then, english workshop. gerekkkk! mr.barton so coool you see. going to read more books! (:
then recess. then mt, sumpah takde mood. then, poa. had test, initially, did it with rachel, we discussed! haha. kay then, break. did more studyyying. then, had chemistry about alkali. then, maths. ( SCREAAAAAAAAAAAM!) i swear, i feel like crying upon seeing the questions. lost the bet already ehh bushy. no hope alreadyyy. while doing paper, suddenly nazhan was shouting outside the class. i didnt know the papers from 3E2 can fly into our class eh. hahah. Ms Arnita said, he no respect. memang. after school, went home straight. went out again, went to aunt's house. done.

tell me. what you do, when someone like you very much, what you do eh? his cute, nice and very caring. so how, like him back is it? curious.

again, dont have to know what's my love life is happening. what you see, keep quiet.

my childhood bestfriend =D

2009-07-28T20:39:00.004+08:00

okay, hello hello hello everyone. i just realised i forgot my blogger password. im really stupid )':
lucky this thing is an automatic thing for my laptop.

so anyway, today is tuesday. it was a fine morning anyway. i took my own sweet time to walk to bustop and to school. heehhe. since i went to school alone (bestfriend still sickkk, sedih right) i woke up a little late than usual. but, i still reach school okay. reached school, saw nabilah and others. usual stuffs. and then silent reading. eh, reading readers digest not bad eh, gerek. okay then, fnn.
oh great, starting Coursework B alreadyy. more stress, you see. after FNN, had geography on fooood. then, recess. then malay. hahaha, we learn ayat songsang. so funny. bola saya bulat (inside joke)
okay, devilla didnt came, ehh super happy sey! so eventually, did compo writing. rachel knew what i was writing in my compo anywayy. then maths. so afterall, it was okayy.

i had poa test before cca. then, went for cca for 15minutes only. okay then, we all decided where to go anyway. from deciding to go eighteen chefs, to pizza hut, to kfc, to mcdonalds, to tenderbest to kedai kopi. finally, decided to go mccafe. i swear, i had a super ultra great laugh todayy. after eating, we did some talking and yeah, according to bushy "girls, mana tak gossip". ahahah. zaiba and chia joined us. ehhh gerekkk per! nyahahahhahah. so anywayy, we laughed, we talked until someone shhush at us. wahhh. hahaha! then, went home.

okay, so anyway. i got something to say before i hit the bed.

firstly, Nazran, i really hate you. yes, i really really hate you. for some reason, i know you wont read this but i pray hard one of your 'friends' will read this and spit this story to you. urgh! eh please eh, tutup mulut boleh tak?! jangan nak macam puki eh cakap pasal orang. tak tahu cerita, jangan main suka spread news eh. so tolong, tutup mulut. seriously, kau jangan act baik. tak baik langsung. eh please eh, apa yang kau tahu, tolong keep it to yourself. wajib pe kau spread? tak kan. so please, shut the fuck up.

haha, that's the first; Naz.. i really really really hate you. urghhh! (!!!!!!!)

secondly, i just want to say this. honestly, people live to impress. nobody in this world, that never lies. it's impossible a person never lie. at least, once, he/she will lie. a person will always do a mistake. to some extend, a mistake is always a lesson to learn. im not saying that i dont lie. of course i lie. but i lie to liars. but not to the limit eh. not like some people i learn about. it really disgust me more than before. like seriously, it disgust me alot. to learn so much about someone, wahh. i just cant belieeve it you see. and you're the second person in my list, currently. congratulations.!

seriously, you dont have to know what's with me and my love life. it's none of your business. my problem eh, what i want to do with my life. you go fix yours first, then you can talk about mine. and kalau nak berbual tu, please, jangan tunjuk-tunjuk.

im very disgusted, bye bye.

(yay! bestfriend tomorrow go school. heheheheh!)

hanya kau yang mampu

2009-07-27T21:08:00.002+08:00

hello everyone. im very sorry for not updating. sadly, today's post will still be short too. i was lazy and i was busy downloading song you know. hehehe.

okay, on friday. i did 2.4km run. then after school, my SDL and bestfriend went to my estate as bestfriend wanted to cut his hair. i went home for awhile. then, had lunch. obviously, i had fun with my dearest SDL! i love her very very very very much!
since i didnt have drama, i ended up hanging out with bestfriend. SDL had history thingy, so me and bestfriend doodled on his foolscap. hehehe. okay then, went to watch the rugby match. junyuan against admiralty. wahh, no hope betol. chatted with ierfun and muliani and SDL. talked with ierfun about DPA and physcology. finally! someone who agree with me that pyscology isnt weird and its cool. so please ehhh. okay then, the score was draw. hahaha, SDL, won your bet :P
okay then, went to kadir and hang out. after that, went to meet mum and headed to sister in law's house. watched Wira Hati and then homed.

on saturday, i did tuition. i taught saufi's little sister. soooo cute!~ then, had lunch with ashaaaa and rena baby at mccafe tampines. saw the gang (amalina, nabilah, airie, nany, nadirah and mas) and also ms rach!, weiqin, weijie, weiting, aloy in a different group, they're not together. i seriouslyyyyy hate ashaaa for critising someoneee. cb! okay then, they both accompanied me to meet sister at bedok interchange. then, went home. after that, went out again with cousin to marina sq. had early dinner at breeks cafe and then met our mums at our family restaurant. i saw someone and his family, hahaha. coinciddence. i was still hungry, so bought mcdonalds (again) then.

on sunday, i went to religious class. sumpah, the ustaz bilal( i think, that's his name) was ultra boring. he was very very creepy and he dont really know how to teach you see. i almost slept. thank god afiqah awaken me. since rena baby wasnt there, i cant criticise much. during break, hadi came up, and they talk. as usual topics. switched class. hamdan and shahril didnt come. aiyoooo! okay then, went home. slept for awhile and then did homeworkks. yes, i did all my homeworks (some questions, not done) anyway, liverpool came to singapore. my ex boyf (torres) macam paham, was here. hehehe. okay, he scored. kental per. 5-0 , i won the bet between bushy, tapi tk dapat apa2. lol.

and today.
since bestfriend didnt come to school, i went school alone. i took cab since i was lazy to walk to the bustop and that it was already 6.50am. okay, reached school as usual. boring boring lessons. then, mt was as usual again. yesssah, kecohh again. then blablabla. okay then, usual lessons. then cme, went to trybe organising meeting. me, adilah and nabilah had offically regretted joining them. serious punye regret lahhh. then, went behind school, bought coke and chocolates. then went to fnn workshop. then it rained. then homed. okay, done.

i swear, i dont really understand what's wrong with me and my stupid love life.

:'(

2009-07-23T22:35:00.004+08:00

Can i not go to school tomorrow to face everything that i've learn?! to learn more secrets people been hiding from me. kay, after days, this struck back to me. hurt? more than anything else. god, i hate this.

for a minute, everything is okay. and suddenly, it's like a hurricane. a big, huge mess. i dont understand the logic. what's wrong with me? where the fuck did i go wrong? i need SOS. and i dont understand what you're trying to do. stop messing my head. (!!!)

and i've said this before. Im not a toy you can play with! just stop it okay. stop with all this lies. why must all this secrets. (?!!) just fuck all this.

i need double chocolate frappe. i miss airie alot )':

nak nangis pon tak guna, terjadi.

catch me :)

2009-07-23T19:22:00.003+08:00

okay, im sorry for not updating. but, i'll update now. i just stole wireless and taaadaa, updating. okay, enjoy reading. by the way, all the post were written in ms word, now i copy past onlyyyy.

200709
for some reason, i enjoyed today. i love today. and for some reason, i wish tomorrow is like today.

hello everyone. okay, i dont really love today that much. as usual, went to school with bestfriend. okay then, usual lesson. had maths and had maths quiz. im so happy because i did my maths homework and it's the same that came out. unfortunately, i only got 10/14 for stupid careless mistakes. soo, after maths was malay. only 3E6 were there since 3E5 are now isolated. thanks to amirrrr. its very very peaceful during mother tongue. i only hear the girls voice and zul's. hahahha. okay, after malay was social studies. againnn, social studies was postponed! i was sooo happy! because i didnt study you see. then recess, i eat.

after recess was POA. i was having a very bad headache and was very restless and uneasy. great, i was unwell again. rachel kept forcing me to go home. i want to stayyyy. i dont want to go homeee. anyway, after that, was geog. i slept the whole period without mr. K catching me. okay, he did, once. but then, he ignored. hahaha. then CME. about, neighbours. then, short break. and then, maths remedial. astarfirguallahalazim, inside joke. hahahahah.

then, went lunch with bestfriend. yes, finally! char meeeeee. then, slacked. meet kak mas. went to tampines one and then go home. okayyy, im done. byeeeeeeeeeeee.

tomorrow 21 ehhh. something special happen =)

210709
okay, first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AHMAD HARIS! WAHHH, OLD ALREADYY! COME BACKKKK SINGAPORE QUICK PLEAAASE. WE ALL HERE MISS YOU OKAYYY. QUICK COME BACK TO HOMELANNND. HAHA. AND, WAHHH, SINCE YOU'RE NO IN SINGAPORE, NO PRESENT. HAHA. GO ONLINE QUICK THEN WE WEBCAM OKAY? THANK YOU FOR BEING A GREAAAT FRIEND, A GREAAT LISTENER, YOU'RE THE BEST. TOOO BAD I DONT HAVE YOUR PICTURE. HMMM, OKAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY =D

and secondly, HAPPY THREE MONTHSARY, LAST LONG OKAY (:

and finallyy, my day was fine. i was late to meet bestfriend at mcdonalds. lessons were fine. i slept during reading period. fnn was okay, learn many things. haha. then geography. mr khong did story telling rather than doing Geography TA. haha. okay then, recess. i ate, and haha. during queing up was funnney. nevermind, i loveeeeeeeeee EEEECHAN!
okay then, was malay. it was okayy. it was still bored without the rest of them. hmm, then english. and after that was maths. then cca. went mama shop, bought coke. drama was fun, did physical. okay then, went to meet mum at LJS. eat LJS, like finaaaaally! then shopped a little and went home.
and anyway, me and nany came out with this 'song of the day' thingy. for today, it was I know You Want Me.

220709
so eventually, i was late to meet bestfriend, again. got lecturee by himm. hmmm, took a cab to school with him. sorrrrrrrrrrrrry sangat sangat bestfriend. try not lambat okayyy. so anyway, reading period, was engross with readers digest. then english. okay then, chemistry, social studies. recess was okayy, i ate very long. okay then it was poa and then fnn. then, got home at 1.15pm. i went home straight since i was tiredddddd. anyway,went out at 4 to meet mummy at tampines to accompany her buy new shoe. then, went food culture. and oh, trying to saveeee up! (=
Song Of the Day : knock you down and Catch Me

Todayy
nothing much to elaborate. i got free food from msArnita. okay, then i cant really recall what happen. ohhh, i was noisy today that i irritated rachel. nyahahaha. kk, i love you okay rachel, ms rach? ahhahaha. then got sc meeting.

Song Of the Day : Thinking Of You

anywayyyyyy, jangan nak macam paham eh kau. dia aku nya, jangan nak slumber. fikir aku nak share dia dengan kau pe? tak dapat uhhh.

tell him i miss him

2009-07-18T23:52:00.004+08:00

if by chance you read this, happy two years and two monthsary bestfriend.

hey, i didnt know why i decided to make this a little special. but, everything that is written here is for you, mr.loverboy. you always know, you're my one and only shahzrin and that nobody can ever replace shahzrin like you. but you know, you're changing. please dont.

hey bestfriend, ive known you for more than two years already. but it seems to know you forever. you're one special guy, one great and wonderful person. i didnt know why, but you're really special. i wish i wont share you with anyone else ( i mean, seriously. i wish you're just mine ) but sadly, im no longer in control of you, right? im sorry, ter-overreact sekejap. okay anyway, bestfriend, i love you okay, remember that. you must always remember, i love you. and that, i'll try to stop anything that would ever ever hurt you. im sorry if at times i hurt you, i never meant to hurt, never a bit. you know, youre a special boy and seriously, special.

guess what. i really miss having you around as my boyfriend. i really do, but you know, having you as my bestfriend, im thankful enough. you were there when i needed a shoulder to cry on. you were there when i needed someone to share everything i held grudges on. you're just more than just a perfect bestfriend. you're much better than oreo cheesecake. i'll never trade you for anything bestfriend. okay, so you were my ex boyfriend, which was wayyy much better, but hey, im thankful what we already are now loverboy.

bestfriend, i really hope to be there for you every second. through all the pains that you've been through. i know you're strong. i hope i can help you in your pains and all that youve been through. i wish i could be there for you bestfriend. especially now. im sorry that everything that youve been through. i know you hurt.

loverboy, i hope you're been fine. thanks for everything and i love you.

anywayyy, today. i went to religious class, for the first time of this semester. okay then, i went home, got changed and meet bestfriend. nothing much. celebrated our two year two monthsary. he thought me some stuff and help him with his voice. okay then, went back home, change again and went out to meet rena, ashary and ustaz ibrahim. headed to ikea, to do some shopping for youth hub stuffs. and oh, forgot to mention, im becoming a tutor! every saturday and sunday. sooo, im only free at 3pm and then. sadly lah ehh.
okay, ashary is rena's friend who really love to insult me. like seriouslyyyy, insult me since i first met him till balik. sedihhh. okay, ustaz went to esprit first. waiting for ustaz was veryyy tiring. okay then, went to ikea. hahah. saw my brother and sister in-law. okay then, ustaz had to go off. me, ashary and rena went cotton on then home since someeeeone nak kene jadi imam lah kannn. nyahahah.
okay, currently at kak mas house to watch harry potter and goblet of fireee. omg, i cant wait to watch harry potter and half-blood prince. likeee seriouslllly, cant wait you know! never mind, most probably this weekend or any of the weekdays with kak mas. anwayyy, im watching harry potter, my ex boyfriend. nyahahah. okay, bye. tomorrow school, wahh. nightmare. speaking of nightmare, i sweaaaaaaaar i hate the nightmare i had the previous morning. still phobia about it sia. bestfriend will understand )':

tkmo ada private blog ehhh and hide everything behind my back :P

and wahhhh, one by one hide things from me. who else want to hide things from me? hide uh. hurt me uh. im really getting tired of all this shit. pfffft. puki lahh. nak sembunyi-sembuunyi. i dont get it. why hide things/secrets from me, when one day i knew it. haishh, really tired of all this shit. so please, stop it. can go crazyyy thinking about it )':

why couldnt you?!

2009-07-18T21:18:00.003+08:00

you know, i even had nightmares thinking of what you've been hiding from me. nightmares of blog url? what the fuck. it's the weirdest nightmare i had today. and nightmares of secret that you're hiding from me? it's too much. no, im not overreacting. im really tired of you hiding secrets from me. first, two months. then now? till the day we i graduate, then you tell me is it? wahh. dah melampau nie.

okay, so last night, i couldnt sleep. seriously, i tried to sleep but i couldnt at all. the aircon in the classroom was frigging cold and smart of my bestfriend rena to sleep near the aircon. so i couldnt sleep. i chose to sleep bersila, but i cant. i ended up going out and join fatin and the rest. since fatin had her sleeping bag, i got at leasssst an hour of sleep. heeehee. had qiyam, solat subuh then go home. when i reached home, it was already almost 6am. so, i straight away went back to sleeep. i woke up at 1pm. wahhh, macam swinee betol.

got bathed, changed and went out with mum. went to a kenduri then Courts Megastore, Ikea, and back to tampines mall. after that went home. mummy wanted to buy me dress, but i couldnt make up my mind, Again. wahhh, im so weird. but im in love with one of this dress that cost $50. im soooo saving up for it, no matter what!

im still tired and i want to go back to sleep can. i want to sleep longerrrr lah. i want MC again so i can sleep without mum nagging to me. hahahha. i shall do that tomorrow after back from religious class since mummy isnt home. yes, she's going johore wwith aunt. yay! hahahah. okay, i miss someone alot lahhh. =D

and i hate you for my nightmare just now. it was really really weird and freakkyy okay!

i didnt want this to happen anyway!

2009-07-18T00:36:00.004+08:00

Since wheneverrrr my blog got thorns that hurt people ehhh? tkmo makan cili banyak2 lah, nanti pedas beh minta simpati.

oh guess what. i heard there's a new minta simpati kid. oh please, i wish i can slap your face now. you're also equal to a penipu ehh. wahhh, LIAR. cant accept the truth about yourself. shame on you okay, no respect for this kind of people lahhh.

okay hello. im sorry, its already midnight. i finally got internet at mosque. wahh, bagos eh. so anyway, hello everyone. today, i only love pe. half the time, i couldnt concentrate in studies or busy texting si handsome. so eventually, i got tonnes of homeworkks. hmmm. and urgh, CCA presume next week, Normally. sedihhh right. cant run away any longer )':

anyway, the movie kite runner was aweeeeesome! (Y)(Y)(Y) i loveeee it lahhh, it is sooo touching and really splendid. hilfi came too. hanan love too came. hadi didnt turn up without telling us, bad of him. so yeahh. currently they are watching freedom writer. it sounds great but i guess im too engrossed to finish up my two weeks overdue homeworkk.

you know, i gave up. you dont care that much about how i really feel anymore. all that you care is more about others (particularly one) and i never seemed to be your priority any longer. there's no point continuing if all that you do is say that you love me, but you didnt mean it. when all you do is hurt me deeply. i cant bear such any longer. i know, i should be patient. but i cant. seven months is too long for me. you leave me hanging without a word about our relationship. will there even be a relationship for us? clueless. i know, you treat me like you used to, but no use. there's no words from you saying that you're gonna be with me again and when you're gonna be with me again. Clueless. and you know, how much i hate being clueless, the last one to know everything.
i hate you!

but i really really really love you )':

i cant start a fight with you,

2009-07-16T19:21:00.007+08:00

my love, i dont want to start a fight now. please, dont. listen to me, i love you. now, come to me and hug me. just tell me, that you love me too. things will be okay then.

hello everyone. guess what i did today? all that i do is sleep till 2pm. ( macam babi sakkk!~) okay then, accompanied mum to geylang to buy her scarf. then went to meet bestfriend.

im still not fully recoveerr. i need more MC to stay at home and sleeep. heheh. okay, but i miss all my friends already. especially airie, nany and nabilah. okay, i must admit i miss rachel. goshh! i miss everyone lahhh. i miss him also. wahhh, i miss helping my friends cheat in english spelling alreadyy. hahaha. okayy fine, i really miss them all. however, school is sucking alot especially all those H1N1 reasons. it's really really getting pathetic. i really hate school. but i love my all my friends. really, all of them.

and guess what, i miss someone so much. i want to go to him, and hug him tight. hahaha. i really miss him lah. and his been asking the most about how im doing and stuff on first day of my absence. i luvvvv him so much lahh! =DDDD

and i miss yana/sheril/HERNANY EDHORA/AIRIEEE/nazilah/nadirah/nabilah/feee/adilahh/zul/nazran/amalina/isa/mastiqah/joeyahh/bestfrienddddddd/eeeechannn/bushy hairrrr and many many many more. hahahaha. im so sex-cited to go to school tomorrow. got floorball tomorrow anywayyy.

i need to catch up with my own happiness and my own life. im sorry to everyone that ive hurt. i miss my old life. i want it back.

yay! tomorrow night movieeee. excitedd you knowww. that means, sleepover (AGAIN) with rena babyyy. cant promise to go onlineee tomorrow night. unsure if there's any wireless connection at mosque lahhhh =D

2009-07-15T22:11:00.002+08:00

it's pretty stupid how at times i just thought you and me are made to be together. reality check, we'll never be together again. not like this, no way.

it's really not okay

2009-07-15T19:37:00.007+08:00

i dont know what else to do. okay guess what, im just too lazy to update today. i got two days MC. no big deal right? bleaaaargh. my absence wont change anyone any longer. im just useless~~~

[edited]
okay, suddenly, i feel like blogging/ nothing much actually. something that i just thought of suddenly.

things, just got worst. The way i thought i'd never leave this place, The way you made it seem so real, it really hurts. i dont want this anymore. dont make me yours anymore if this is what i have to deserve. i dont want to learn suffer anymore. i had enough of it. no, i wont fake, because it hurts. i do care now because im tired of all this shit. stop it okay. you're really suffocating me. why couldnt you just make up your mind? why cant you just choose? why all this wait? im just, confuse. i dont know what you're thinking actually. who am i really to you? i dont see anything worth it anymore. love? just another bullshit. for some reason, i dont want to leave you because you still need me as much as i need you. but for many reasons, i wish im alone, without you. i dont miss you that much any longer. i dont love you like i usually do. because, as you know, ive lost my hopes. and as far as i concern, you're still holding onto my love. honestly, can i have it back? because you're torturing it and it does kills me alot. i really hate it when you say you love, but you know, i dont think you mean it afterall.

you want her, rather than me. because if you wanted me, you would come for me long time ago. this just sucks you know. for months, ive been waiting, i finally understand. how foolish i was, how stupid i was. im speechless upon everything. everyone been telling me to move on, to forget it after seven unworthy months. but i dont know. theres no meaning in life without you. i know, i havent tried yet, but i cant help taking the risk anymore. oh god, i hate this. empathy, that all i need. dont you even feel agony at all?

i wish you will make your right choice pretty soon. i dont want to be stuck any longer, please. plese, dont put a deaf ear on me. if you really love me, would you love seeing me suffer? i dont get it how you define love. And i see things now all those memories, What can i do to convince you? Tell me what to say, I just can't pretend anymore. please, just please. listen to all this cries. understand me, for just once, just listen. i couldnt love you any longer. because it suffers. listen to me, i dont want to fake any more. Tell me so these hopes could just crash down, rather than it keeps on flying endlessly searching for something. just stop hiding it from me. obviously, you're just making use of me. it's too obvious. and obviously, your love for me is fading too, right? honestly. just tell me honestly, do you even really love me, despite Loving her all this while? dont live a lie. just dont. and if i were to ask you, to choose. dont choose me, please. forget me, right?

dont make me regret my words anymore, would you?

hati sudah tawar alreadyyy

2009-07-14T20:53:00.005+08:00

no, i wont cry. i'll be strong. i dont want to start a fight. i dont want to hurt you. i dont care how much it hurts, i dont want to fight back. it's really killing me to see all this happening. how much you love me? do you mean it when you love me? okay, i dont know. i dont know if i even want to know. kind of bullshit you see. urgh, you're killing me everyday. eh, how you feel eh doing this to me?

no, i wont cry. i'll be strong. i dont want to start a fight. i dont want to hurt you. i dont care how much it hurts, i dont want to fight back. it's really killing me to see all this happening. how much you love me? do you mean it when you love me? okay, i dont know. i dont know if i even want to know. kind of bullshit you see. urgh, you're killing me everyday. eh, how you feel eh doing this to me?

hello everyone. today is tuesday, okay everyone knows that. oh well, went to school. saw nany, went with her. headed to bookshop. then to class. first up, fnn. my dokk partner, shafiqah, was absent so i had to cook by myself. so anyway, lingling helped out. and i injured myself. after fnn, geography. got test, not that easy. (macam paham) then recess. then malay. ayu love sat beside me and nany sat the other side, haha. and then, english. by that time, zul and nazran got home. the people at the back was sad as zul couldnt help them in the spelling. haha. so anyway, after that, was maths. three periods of maths as ms arnita extended them. okay then, chilled with nazie, airie, zaiba. zaiba was strumming my guitar. yeappp, i got my baby back. my iahrin baby is back! hehe. so anyway, after that, walked to tampines mall through central park. kecoh what zaiba and amalina. kay then, i bought my auntie anne, yay. tak payah tunggu orang belanja, boleh beli sendiri :P so after that, went to kadir shop to meet bestfriend. then go home. i love fitri's phone! nak boleh? ;)

im so frustrated today and pissed off. many reasons actually. one, airie should know. someone was being unreasonable and pathetic. like seriously, no link. i dont care okay. pfffft. malas nak layan perangai tak perlu kau. secondly, someone had broken his/her promises to me, Again. okay fine, i must admit, i too broke many promises, but this promises is sungguh cannot. he/she didnt only promise to me, also to that bitch (i dont really care to this point) and to his/her mum. i was very very very dissapointed with him/her. i dont understand why you would do such things to me? okay, you love me? you sure? im seriouslyyy doubting that.

i dont know ah. i dont know what's right and what's wrong for me already. you messed up my mind, many times. i dont get it. why must you? i really really dont understand why must i get all this when all i fucking do is to love you, whole-heartedly. i dont know what you're thinking. do you want me or not? please. stop it. i cant bear it any longer. im tired of being hurt by you. im tired of trying to win your heart. you mend my heart many times, easily. and break them again and again. im not sure if its okay or not any loonger. i dont know if this is really love, or just another stupid game from you. The way you made it seem so real, cos you had faith and you had empathy, and all i needed was this. i just, i just cant pretend anymore. leave me, just please. i dont want to cry any longer.

and honestly, making me thinking about all this, makes me hating myself and everyone around me. seriously. and to eechan, if you read this, im sorry. maybe, you think im avoiding you, but seriously, im not. i really hope you understand. no, i dont hate you, i love you alot. it's just, i dont know. im just fucked up with all this. im sorry. i dont want to pretend in front of you, because in front of you, i couldnt pretend eechan. im really sorry if i seemed to abondoned you. i didnt. i really wish we could spend time like we used to. i wish i could spend time with all my loved ones, ANNE, like how i usuallyy do. im really sorry.

i swear, i tried not to cry.

im still sick okay, so please. stop bugging me. anyway, enjoy the video below.

no, im not perfect

2009-07-13T22:24:00.002+08:00

moral of the story for today : before sending your text message, ALWAYS check to whoever you're sending. you never know if you send it to your mum 'i love you baby' or to your best friend ' eh, i walk passed by you just now ! ' seriously. that could hurt a person eventhough it's just a wrong button message ya know.

okay, so today. i'll make this quick. went to school in cab. i was late, eventually, but i wasnt really late. anyway, nabilah was absent. awww, i miss her alot okay. nobody to gossip with. haiyo! so maths lesson was, fast. then mother tongue. oh, that reminds me of malay file. okay then, social studies. then, recess. i ate, but couldnt finish it. fyi, im not fully recover. i had veryy very itchy nose since morning, till now =.=
after recess was poa. sat beside nany dear. taught her poa. macam paham, she copied my homework actually. no, actually i copied joeyah's then she copied mine. anyway, joeyah's handwriting lawa lahh. ( ehh, tkmo kembang eh kau! )
then geography. i dont know what to say about geography. anyway, after that CME. then, followed the rest to tshirt making shop. told airie to come down. ehh, i miss you lah! hahahh. padahal dah jumpa. so then, walked at tampines mall. wahh, mataku sakit, i dont know eh airie, eh nany. okay then, went to cs. met bestfriend. accompanied him to burger king. then auntie anne. walked through central park (i dont know why) then home.

and today, many people (chey, actually mainly one) broke my heart many many many times. but mend it again. and finally broke it again. macam funfair kan main hati orang? im not a toy okay.

okay byebye. anyway, im still sick. so dont hug me or shar food/drinks with me (;

you're not losing me

2009-07-12T13:16:00.014+08:00

im sorry for not updating last night. i spent my whole day/night with my two beloved, airie and nazie. too bad nany dear couldnt join us, or else, its already full group! oh well, here goes my day yesterday.

in the morning, had Education Unit meeting with fatin and ashary. we saw the kerohanian unit, and combined our meeting together as on friday, 17 july, it will be a 2-in-1 event for us. i was sick and sneezing and feeling a little weak. aimran thought i had 'demam cinta'. hahaha. funnny. then after that, went home to change.

i went to meet nazie and airie then at tampines interchange.
first, we went to marina barrage. played with the water but sadly, they didnt want to get wet. oh well, then, went to city hall. headed to marina square first to have our late lunch. niceeeeee! i ate mcspicy and almost cried because it was spicy. haha. so after that, went to near esplanade to watch the NDP rehearsal. from outside. haha. there were many people there anywayy. and seriously, i love it. oh. we saw zul! hahahahah. macam faham. okay, took video and alot of tak perlu pictures. i was bored lah, and sorry. my photography is fucking not good. hahah. and suddenly, it's already night!

chilled under this tree. then we transfer to the staircase. suddenly, it begin to drizzle. we saw a group of people running. we didnt care because it was only drizzling. so after that, many people started running. so we joined them, because it was raining heavily by then. and guess what, it was so heavy that, the surprise happen. FIREWORKS! omg, jahat right. but we ran back and watch the firework. eh super nice sia! tooo bad cant take pictures. i only took some. there was heart shape fireworks! believe it or not! hahaha. i want to watch again pleaseeeee. after that, went back. i was frigging freezing.

as told, i was sick in the morning, and still sick then. somemore, i played in the rain, oh god. thanks to nazie for borrowing me her jacket. or else, i'll be freezing cold. got home. my eyes was already red and my lips were a little pale (according to nazie) okay then, took 228 home. got home, bathe, took my temperature and it was 39.1c okay then, ate panadol and went to sleep. sorry for those who texted me and i didnt reply.

okay today, i woke up late and didnt go madrasah. gosh, i miss madrasah alot. i miss spending time with them, rena baby, hanan, hadi, afiqah. i really miss them lah. oh well, abg fetch me and he brought me to the doctor. i have slight flu and fever and sore throat. i got 2days MC. but idk, i still want to go to schooool! will be going out now, to mummy''s workplace. there's a carnival there and i have $50 coupon to spend. banyakkkkk right! =D

enjoy the pictures and zul, watch the videos. im sorry for the long-width video. but please please watch them and be patient. hehehe. who have heart attack, dont watch them. and forgive us with the curse :)

i misssss you! )':

feel like a bitch lately

2009-07-10T20:53:00.003+08:00

i guess, you just need more attention. that's why you're making use of my boy too. you dont have life, making use of him to make yourself happy. such an ego. go fxck off okay.

okay hello everyone. today is friday, it means the last day of week. okay, went to school with bestfriend. yeap, we're fine again. hehe. english, had TA2 summary. then, biology. omg! i was really looking forward for today's biology. finally, i get to see a real heart. no, i dont mean heart as in diagrams. a real mammal's heart! the heart which pumps blood to the rest of the body. that heart. that keeps you living. unfortunately, we get to see a sheep's heart rather than human heart. oh well, it still the same since human is also under mammal. (refer to primary school science please!)
it was really fun to touch and poke the heart. adilah was like " let's go fnn room and goreng this heart" hahaha. but really, the heart looks like a meat that we usually eat, the raw one.

anyway, after that, PE. played floorball. it was fun and very brutal. then, went to change. didnt eat because decided to eat KFC after school. crave semacam for it! hahaha. after that, maths. class was pretty noisy for i dont know what reason, but hey. i finished up my task okay! then, area cleaning.
Hernany Edhora, i really vvvvvvv misss you so much! get well sooon okay! Nazran dah rindu tu! (;

Okay then, i bought auntie anne's! then walked. headed to mccafe. i bought darn good brownie. not really nice, it taste okay okay. then went to meet bestfriend behind school. accompanied him again to tenderbest and then home. was singing with him along the way home, and haha. i want my iahrin baby ( no, not shaz. i mean my guitar) back! i miss it so much! i want to start learning lullaby! it's a MUST for me to learn it.

im seriouslyyy trying to balance time for my loved ones. please, dont hate each other. and please, dont fight. and please please, understand my situation.

if can, i want you to die tonight

2009-07-09T20:17:00.003+08:00

for goodness sake, you're my nightmare. for reality, i just want you to die now. like, right now. and you, what happen to working things out together? everything is already wrong. and nothing seems to be right any longer. this really sucks. for seven months, i officially gave up in this relationship. things only work out, if you're serious about me. you're just fooling around. guess what, i feel like a bitch lately. it's your fault.

anyway, hello. guess what? i think today was a fine day among the days of this week. hehe. i love my airie vvv much. and i love my nany vvv much too. not forgetting nazie. okay, here goes my day anywayy.

i went to school alone since someone was pissed with me to even walk beside with me to school. oh well, i have to get used to it anywayy. then, reached class, walked to canteen and had a conversation with ayu love. omfg, i really miss this minahhhh alot. really! since we're in different class, we rarely talk. i really miss siti wanurayu bte hussein lah! hehehe. okay then, usual lessons. had biology, then english. then, the class smell, stupid devilla. go blame us for the smell -.-
recess, sat at courtyard and talk. after that, accompanied airie to class to take her bag. talk to a friend then, haha. stupid conversation ehh. (;
after that, headed to mother tongue class. was back to old class. switched places again, and i decided to sit somewhere with airie and nazie since dearest nany went home because she got fever. goshhh! mendakkk okay tkda kau! hahah. okay then, we talked instead of doing karangan. it was fun talking with this two. then, went back to class for POA. after that, lunch again. had conversations with nadirah, nabilah and nadirah. they came to a conclusion that i like to judge and that i look at people's attitude. haha, eh? maybe.
after that, chemistry and maths. then, went to tampines mall with airie. she accompanied me to buy stationaries. then, window shopped a little. and oh, i was craving for food anyway. so, decided to buy royals cake. then,went to NTUC. i bought air bunga. the miracle part was, okayy. dont have to say here. shall be mine and airie's luck anyway. may god bless her, help someone who was faiting. praises to allah.
then headed home and eat. okay, i need to finish up homework. i have a huge feeling that i will fail my english summary TA2 tomorrow. i suck when it comes to rephrasing. okay, byeee.

listen to my blog song. who eat chilli, you taste the spicy lah k. (; by the way, title is ego. niceee one you see. credits to airie love (=

you're not sorry

2009-07-08T19:27:00.002+08:00

you had me crawling for you honey, and it never would've gone away. no, you used to shine so bright but i watched all of it fade.
and you've got a smile that could light up this whole town but i haven't seen it in a while, since she brought you down.

i wasnt sure if today was okay. in the morning, i was already pissed off and dissapointed with someone. oh well, no point bragging about it eh. maybe, he just dont understand the english that i texted him. pffffft. dah tawar hati nak gi sekolah ngn you. anyway, after the whole temperature thing, read book, then english. then, chemistry. mdm chia didnt came, so we had quiz. i studied, so i think i can pass. heh. then, social studies for a period. recess was early for our class. i see the bonding though between the boys. and we, budak kampung melayu, and the chinatowns. hahaha. after that, poa. then, fnnn. then, did discussion about the upcoming carnival the sec3 been organising. woaaaah!

after that, me, nany and nabilah went to kedai mama to buy some snacks. went back to school for extra classes. had chemistry where we ended up talking about ghost stories. it was super fun where they all got scared actually. lolz. after that, social studies. ended earlier, so i went home straight since i need to cook something for mummy (;

okay, i dont want to elaborate any further. alright, im done here. bye, takecare. tomorrow thursday, damn it's going to be b o r e d . feel like eating cheesecake! :D

tolong jangan meseg macam gini to me . because , to me , it is very irritating . i dont like spaces between punctuations . im referring to you , you know who . tkmo ikut2 orang lah please . pffffft !

since we begin,

2009-07-07T20:03:00.015+08:00

i know, in my previous post, i really said i hated my stupid timetable, but urgh, im really loathing and hating with all my heart about the staybacks and also the timetable timing. macam tooooot lah ehhh. first day of new timetable was fine, could handle it though.

anyway, i dont know if today is a great day. because most of the time, i was noisy and a few part of the day, im just pissed off with many people. anyway, first period was fnn, i thought it end fast. oh ya, i remembered. me, adilah and yana was talking about boys ( as usual you see ) when we realised a fact about boys.
boys, they're like cheesecake. at times, we'll get tired and sick of eating cheesecake because, it's cheese. it's delicious and great and so fabulous, however, we'll get tired of it. but, in a way or another, we still crave for the same thing, again. and there goes for boys. we'll get sick and tired of boys because they're really a pain in the ass. but no matter what, we crave for them, we want them. hahaha, coool kan!
so anyway, after that, geography. then recess. we got freeee icecream. sadly, yana was fasting. and after recess, there was extra, so me and nany shared! hahah. during mt, we ate the icecream anyway. so after mt, was english. then it was maths. i think, i can really cope with maths. pretty easyy. oh anyway, after maths, went to drama for awhile. then, camwhore a little in toilet, then walked to tenderbest with airie and nany. then nazie joined, yay.
so, had lunch with my beloved ANNE. hehehe. we had a great time talking and crapping jokes. hahaha. after that, they left and shahril and bestfriend came. watched them eat while bestfriend treat me another ice lemon tea. yay, i love the ice lemon tea. after that, headed home. thank god, mummy ajak buy durian. yummmmy!

oh well, i hate this. i just thought it's pretty childish how things are turning out. im fucking pissed off with how you are treating me, day by day. but you never failed with your sweetalks. i didnt know if i should fall for it or just fucking move on. in the back of my mind, i wish i was someone else in your heart. i wonder, how many kilos of sugar have you eat that all your words became so sweet?

you belong to me (:

light up the sky

2009-07-06T19:24:00.003+08:00

im sorry for not updating. i did wanted to login last night, but i swear i was lazy to even reach for the computer and start blogging about my weekend. oh well, here goes my two weekend days. i think, i really relaxed =)

anywayyyy, whoever that did the stupid timetable, go to hell. seriously. i hate you for seperating me and my love on wednesday and on thursday. i hate you. and i hate the fact that awesome tuesday has become worst nightmare. pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft!

saturday
in the morning, i woke up a little late but i did had time to attend Alkaff Youth Meeting. after the meeting, i headed back to home and did some house chores before mum let me out again. the best part, i got $10 for cleaning the house and wash all my clothes. after that, headed to the library to pay fines. hahah. then, went to mccafe to grab double chocolate frappe and then to auntie anne's. pretzel sticks with eclair. yummmmey! after that, i went to cousin's house and help her with her chores before we get to go out again. hahaha. had a great time, really. at night, we went to singapore expo for the sale. we saw the adidas sale, and it was, really really dissapointing. nothing was nice and everyone was very greedy. then, headed to robinsons sale. i was in love with this watch, but, the price was $104.50 seriously, no point calling it sale. banyak punya sale uhh. had late dinner at Macdonalds, and then headed home. i continued my 'Trust No One' book that Rachel lended me. it was really interesting. two thumbs up! (Y)

Sunday
accompanied my rena baby. yeah, skipped religious class for a reason. woke up at 6.30am. meet her at void deck and headed to mosque. ustaz was late, again. before that, ustaz asked us a funny question that even my mum laughed along with me. hahaha. rena lagi best. she didnt know such thing exist -.- oh anyway, when ustaz arrived, headed to west coast cc by cab. haha. lambat punya pasal. then, while waited, chatted with my rena and also with ustaz. oh, forgot to mention. rena participated MySpex09 badminton tournament among other youths in other mosque. i just came to support, you know, as her bff. hah.
her first match was against darul aman (i just got to know abang tukang sebok in their youth) hahah. not bad anyway. my rena did a great job eventhough they won. but nevermind my baby. you played well, and you had fun remember? haha. after that, rauf and i dont know his name came too. they were in Mens Doubles. theirs began at 1pm so we had more time. eventually, to kill time, we chilled at coffee bean. we talked, discussed and just had fun. played count the frogs. omg, because of me, we cannot get seven frogs. sedihnya! hehe. but i really enjoyed that game alot. after that, me and rena headed back home. took 30 and straight to bedok. at bustop, something funny happened. so, i was looking at the bus route thingy when this nenek asked
the nenek :tengok bus no. nak naik? nak pergi mane?
me: oh, pergi bedok.
the nenek : dari sini naik 30 sudah, nak. teros gi bedok, tapi jauh lah
her friend : boleh tido dalam bus
then suddenly,
the nenek : ahh tido dalam bus. kau tak dengar ke pasal orang tu kene curi pasal tido dalam bus? seribu woi!
( me and rena was confused and thankfully, the bus came. so we excused ourselves)

hahaha. but, seriously. it was funny if you were there. i mean, sudddenly! hahaha. so anyway, we saw many wonderful things about west. we seldom goes to west, so i was a little jakun to see how the west looked like. halfway through, i was already asleep eventhough i drank a very strong coffee ice blend before that. haha. went home, changed and went out again.

met kak mas at marina square. it was hassan's birthday! happy advanced birthday hassan! may you and kak mas last very very very long. dont fight anymore lah kk (:
so anyway, ate at BK and then saw abg abbas ( kak mas's brother) and he gave us free coffee iceblend. i swear, im already phobia with coffee. nah uhh, no more coffee for me. then, cut cakes, throw cakes, pictures and then home. hahah. kak mas's friends were funny, seriously. i really had a great laugh. oh well, then. i continued reading Trust No One and im done (:

today
nothing much. staying at home to study and finish up all my homeworks. need to start my revisions also. hahah. and someone was very proud with me because i finally stayed at home on such holidays like this! hehehe. anyway, i miss my airie. sorry i cant go out with you. )': and now, im eating apple dipped in chocolate syrup. haha. anyway, im off to do my homeworks. okay bye.

i miss the family where we used to be, sis. what happened to you? dont do to us like this. his trying to tear you and us. why cant you see that? no, not only him. but please, dont you miss us? dont you miss the family eventhough you and me and bro always fight? we love each other, no matter what. and no matter what, you're still my sis. that, will never ever change. stop, stop letting our mum cry about you. at least, just a little bit, have a smypathy for our mum. she missed you and obviously she hates what is happening. listen to her sis. she raised you up, not them. are you going to throw that, after 23years? you know her more than i know her. please. dont be stupid to obey them and forget about us. they're evil.

bestfriend, stop being childish

Permanent

2009-07-03T20:31:00.003+08:00

i miss you. i miss every moment that we usually had before. i dont want to pretend anymore. i dont want to act normal any longer. i really miss you. why must you go? why must you leave? when i didnt want you to go. im sorry. i just miss you. really, i miss your old smile too. hey boy, come back, i mean, your old you.

anyway, i want to say so many things that im totally speechless. i have no words to describe how i feel. i wish this blog, i can write everything without even hurting anyone. but oh well, it will hurt someone anywayyy. i dont like being in this situation. im really hating my life day after day. it sucks, like fuck. i hate to think about it anyway. i wish i can just throw everything away and be a happy gobber again. nobody wants to properly listen to me and really understands me. there's no way i could share this with bestfriend because he will not give proper advises. he'll end up hurting me more. gosh, i hate this. can someone please, be my saviour?

today is friday and it's an okay day. i dont have my mood today and i didnt love what i did today. i had funn with my SDL today. i spent time with her and i really love her alot. EEEECHAN, I LOVE YOU OKAY! hehehehe. and, shhhh okay. you know, i know lahhh. and haha, about that him. dont take it to heart okayyy. i'll always be here for you! (:

and lastly, i want all this to end. I can't believe you were the one, to build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house. you've destroyed my dreams, you've destroyed my hopes and my faith to you. i dont know what else i mean to you anyway. you already have your new close friend, why must i still mingle with you? am i really the one you need or you're just using me. baby, im not your mannequin. and im not your motiondoll. i have a heart and i have feelings. you just have to hurt them, dont you? )':

airie/amalina/aris/nany/nazie/maggi/bestfriend/liyana afiqah, i miss you soooo much! )':
and to my liyana afiqah : cheer up okay. dont sedih-sedih. it's not worth crying for someone when they wouldnt care anyway. you're pretty and young, there's thousands of guy that would fall for you. cheer up okay. i love you!

----

YOOOOOO NIE AIRIEE. HEE. IMY NADDDDDD~

fuck you very very much

2009-07-02T22:18:00.005+08:00

oh well, just another school days. it's a long day. i hate thursday, alot. because it's a long day and a the sec 3 express class end later than others. it's so unfair. i hate the new timetable. i only love tuesday eventhough there's stupid fnn. goshhhh. change timetable, pleease. paling benci monday and thursday! )':

i hate this mistreatment. it's unfair. i dont deserve all this, seriously. no, i shouldnt suffer when all i do is to listen to what you say. i want to leave you, but i just cant. i want you to go, but you just wouldnt. and i want you, but you wouldnt make up your mind. i dont want to make you choose, because i thought that might hurts you. but you forced me to choose. and i did. i dont know if i chose it wisely. because im speechless. no, this time, you're the one treating me wrong. revenge? you wouldnt. terlalu ikutkan nafsu, itu pasal tidak tahu buat pilihan. i dont know what else i can say about it. it's all up to you. im just a motiondoll who would obey your commands and you wants. that's just it. oh well, im useless, remember.

okay, i miss my airie. and i miss my amalina. get welll sooon you both!
okay, bye. i want holidays, quickkkz!

i hate kuda! (LA, you know i know kay)

2009-07-01T22:33:00.002+08:00

NO POINT to pretend when what you get, is not what you deserved. like ffffuck. i hate this.

just fuck you

2009-06-30T20:43:00.003+08:00

okay fine, i update properly.

today was a great day in class
there was no maths/english and poa! =D
i sat with nabielah today in class and we didnt pay attention, LOL.
i didnt use handphone at all, except mother tongue =D
we came out with a group name, ANNE. i love themm!
after school, i met bestfriend for awhile.
and then, i had my lunch with my two bestfriends, ella and airie.
we went to pizza hut =D
after that, we went to challenger to help airie with usb cable.
then we go back to tampines mall to window-shopped
after that, we go home.

okay, i update already. im currently not in the mood for anything. and oh, i really really hate Ling Ling. hahaha. she kept my thumbdrive all this time sia. knncb. i hate her so much. you burn in hell! i think she browsed through my pictures. haha, kiwekk, kurang ajar what.

oh well. tomorrow will be a bored day i guess. got Social Studies. surelyyy half-dead. lalalala! okay byeeeeeeeeeeee.

i love moonwalk =D

2009-06-29T19:49:00.001+08:00

here's a video of our favourite MJ. yes, im sad that he died. his really a legend. see this video up here. if it wasnt for him, there'll be no such thing as moonwalk right? oh well, his really a great guy. may god bless you.

anyway, my first day of school, okay. Maths, studied. Malay, slacked. English, merepek nak mampos lah cikgu. si devilla tu. recess, i ate pineapples! then, other subjects, i was half dead and i kept on sneezing from beginning of the day till CME. then, saw my SDL. yay! i love her super ultra much! then, walked around with her. waited for shaz and naufal. went to tenderbest, ate. and then, me and shaz went to bedok interchange. and then go home. summarise enough?

im not done with courseworkk. tooo lazy =D

ignore me

2009-06-28T19:23:00.012+08:00

okay, ignore yesterday's post. tomorrow is monday. boooohoo! but honestly, i rather go school and study rather than to stay at home and hear mum's nagging. but i still want to sleeep till 11am. i still want to sleep late while chatting with people or watch movies in the internet. gosh, i hate school. i wish i can pass all my exams without studying and to be successful without working hard. but, bukan senang untuk senang.

so anyway, i want to upload pictures before i go prepare for my school tomorrow. i dont know where's my school skirt/uniform/stationeries/books. selenge of me! pffffy. anyway, today i did nothing but to finish up my novel that i've been reading 'takdir cinta'. hahaha, it's a malay novel, not wrong right. and bestfriend didnt call today. and his so bad for still not replying my messages eventhoug he promised. ini lah, makan janji. dah uh, i want to prepare for school and sleep early. i scared i wake up late tomorrow. hehe. okay, enjoy the pictures okayy!
picture taken for kampung melayu picnic and mcritchie reservoir trekking. i gain weight today ^^

pictures are in random order. please read the captions to understand, thank you.

picture taken during trekking. i grabbed it from ustaz's faceboook. hahaha. not my photography.

me and rena taking a long rest/break after trekking, finally!
reaching the end
us. me in white.
macritchie reservoir
penat, reaching soon

ustaz, shiok sendiri
aimran,( my p6 tutor)
we're finding crocodiles -.-
where we thought there's crocodiles
jelutong tower-.-
ustaz's photography (mcm phm)
petaling hut. reminds me of petaling street
taking breakk
eat/eat
climbing the stairs
all of us
awww, so cute right!
i saw sulaiman! (friend)
i saw more sulaiman's friends
us on the brigde, which was slippery. and aimran was like, " you know why slippery. because they want us to do moonwalk since MJ is gone"
with ustaz, i like this picture
us on the bridge

the topwalk thingy
me and rena
at ranger station

rumah cik pon according to ashraf. and he made this joke that if we're in their world, this would be bedok. and further apart will be eunos. hahaha, funnny.
niceeeee
candid -.-

here comes the trekkking in the forest!
we saw this kids. and they were singing. awww, so adorable!
i like this picture. ustaz took it by the way
the guy infront is ashary. the penjaga of my department, education unit!
we went the wrong way, sadly

nyahahahahhaha. ustaz shiokk sendiri!
just came out of mosque
in front of mosque
eating breakfast. during breakfast, me and rena was the nosiest!

picture taken during picnic. i lovee the picnic. must have it sooon again =D

let's play spin the bottle. hahaha
my yana and nany, i love you both!
me in greeen. nyahahah.
my favourite nabilahhhh
hahahah, thanks nabilahh for the picture
all of us! i likeeee~
yana tiada, si piglet tu! =D

i love them all shiploads!

my two most favourite minah! <3

all of us eating and taking picture (:
yay, makannn!
donuts! thanks to chia! =D

Mcritchie Reservoir

2009-06-27T17:19:00.002+08:00

i'll update once i have pictures from the trekking i had earlier on with AY family. yes, we're one big family yeah? haha. i miss bestfriend alot. he called me earlier on, just to ask where is joo chiat complex -.- weird lah dia!

okay, update later, or tomorrow. currently, doing fnn coursework, for real. still at decision making. kimekkkkk. stupid thief who stole my thumbdrive. it contains more than just courswework, it contains my pictures! yeashhhh, alahhhh. kebabi betol.

i miss all my loved ones banyak-banyak =D

loving only you

2009-06-26T20:15:00.004+08:00

firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAYYY TO MY SDL, EEEECHAAAAAAAAAN! I LOVE YOU ALOT, MORE THAN YOU LOVE ME! AND YES, I MISS YOU TOOOO! HEHEHEHE. AWWWW, YOU'RE OLDER ALREADYY. HAHAHAH. STAY HAPPY ALWAYYS OKAY! I LOVE YOU ALOT! YOU OWE ME A HUG ON MONDAYYY =D

secondlyy, may Micheal Jackson may rest in peace. haha. his a legend you see. eventhough i never fell in love with his songs, i bet he has meant something to the music. oh well, may he rest in peace, and those who are still living, move on with his/her own life now, before it's too late.

and last night, im sorry. but please, just move on. dont talk to me anymore. im not worth for you. just move on okay. forget about me. i cant love you, because i only love one, only one. i dont want to hurt you. you're a nice guy, and i dont want you to be betrayed or hurt. there's thousands of girls out there better than me. seriously, im not worth for you. because my heart belongs to someone else, the one i believed is my everything. and that, only him is the one that i love the most.

thirdly and finally, i love my todayyy super duper ultra muchh. got a wake up call from loverboy. thanks eh you, nak tido pon tak senang. talked to him over the phone and ahaha, he forgotten to pack his pants. naseb i reminded him. hahaha. then, he had to put down because he was late to meet naufal. hahahaha. lambat laggi. beh tak tahu reply message, jahat!
so eventually, met up with the others. suppose to be at 1.30pm, but nie lahh melayu, tak pernahh menepati janji. LOL. me, nadirah and ayu arrived around 1.45pm. then liyana, then airie and nabilah, then my nanyyyy. hahahah. after that, took bus 3. ehhh sorry korang, ku tak suka mrt lahhh. hehehe. after that, walked to cheers downtown, bought drinks, then walked to park. chia and airie, you know i know lah kk. =D
then, found spot. ate, talk, listen to songs, took pictures and played uno. me and nany played in water ( ayu tak mandi! ) and then we camwhoreee somemore. hahaha. after that, we played truth or dare. airie, soalan sial jee. and nany was the only one who did dare. hahaha, idk if i should post the video since i was the only one who had it. hahah. after that, played murderer. hahaha, yana yana. still dont know how to wink/naik kening. and nany remembered how we played in class, hahaha. after that, we played babi king/queen. chia said it as babi princess. hahaha. it was a funnn game and kanchionng gila lahhh. hahaha. and i actually made nadirah go to level one, airie also. hahahaha. yana is a piglet because she maintained. and the babi princess was mastiqah ayu bte sulaiman! habes uhh kau, new nickname.
after that, others went home while chia and airie stayed because they had guest. hahaha. along the way, took more pictures. lol. after that, talked about drag me to hell with yana. ahaha. tersedak popcorn (inside joke) seperated with them. mas, nadirah and hidayah took mrt while me, yana, nabilah and nany took bus. nany! why moved? or else dah go home with me everydayy sia! hahahaha.
upload pictures tomorrow okehh.

i miss shahzrin alreadyyy. who ask you to go camp! HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

haha, i dont care if you like him, his mine! i dont care if i have to fight for him, i'll fight. yeah, you're my worst enemy now. hahah. i just hate you so much. i wish you burn in hell. go find other guys like bodoh. his not yours!

Mr.Loverboy just called me, saying that he miss already. yay! i miss you too silly. hahaha. and he was very sexcited about the camp. luckyyy you. and his currently eating pizza with naufal and his chinese friend. tak fair lahh naufal, get to spend with loverboy, mcm matair lah korang. so envy with naufal. hahhaha. anyway, he told me there's green and blue stars. woah. hahaha. i didnt know that. and tomorrow, he'll be uberr tired that he'll call me only at night. goddd. i miss him super much! come home quick bestfriend! ;)

Randommm

2009-06-25T21:44:00.004+08:00

was tagged by eechan over the facebook =D

Write the names of 20 friends you can think off the top of your head, and then answer the questions. Say you’re guessing if you don’t know, but at least guess on all of them. After doing this, tag your 20 friends to do the same. ( no need, nvm)

1) Shahzrin
2) Raihanah
3) Airie
4) Eechan
5) Liyana
6) Nazilah
7) Joeyah
8) Ashraf
9) Aris
10) Nabilah
11) Nadirah
12) Liyana Afiqah
13) Amalina
14) Sheril
15) Mastiqah
16) Adilah
17) Safuraa
18) Wanurayu
19) Fatin
20) Khairiah

*How did you meet 7? (Joeyah)
-Hmm, we're in the same class.

*What would you do if you had never met 15? (Mastiqah)
-Haha, No Mastiqah that i know -.-

*What would you do if 20 and 1 dated? (Shahzrin and Khairiah)
- (firstly, i swear i didnt know they asked this)
hmmm, date lahh.

*Have you ever seen 17 cry? (Safuraa)
-i'll listen to her

*Would 4 and 16 make a good couple? (Eechan and Adilah)
-DEFINETELY NO. (both females)

*Do you want to be 13's friend forever? (Amalina)
-Of course!

*Do you think 11 is attractive? (Nadirah)
- She is pretty!

*What’s 2’s favorite color? (Raihanah)
-GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!

*When was the last time you talked to 9? (Aris)
-Just now, on msn. hahaha/

*What language does 8 speak? (Ashraf)
- Universal language and malay..?

*Who is 13 going out with? (Amalina)
-Tarun -.0

*What grade is 16 in? (Adilah)
-Sec4.

*Would you ever date 20? (Safuraa)
-HAHAHA

*Where does 18 live? (Wanurayu)
-Tampines

*What is the best thing about 4? (EECHANN)
-She's my SDL & she loves meeee! LOL.

*What would you like to tell 3 right now? (Airie)
- Eh minah, aku rindu kau.

*What is the best thing about 5? (Liyana)
-Crime Partner ^^

*Have you ever kissed 8? (Ashraf)
-NO!

*What’s the best memory you have of 10? (Nabilah)
-Too many, nyahahas

*When’s the next time you’re going to see 4? (Fatin)
-Next AY meeting.

*How is 7 different from 6? (Nazilah and joeyah)
- different looks, voice, hair, many many more

*Is 2 pretty? (Raihanah)
-Ask Nigel. heheheh.

*What was your first impression of 14? (Sheril)
- wahh, innocent sey tu budak.

*How did you meet 3? (Airie)
-HAHAHAHA. airie, how eh? LOL. zaman kentalzzz.

*Is 18 your best friend? (Wanurayu)
-Yes! ;)

*Do you hate 12? (LA)
-Of course no.

*Have you seen 20 in the last month? (Khairiah)
-Yeah.

*When was the last time you saw 16? (Adilah)
- The last time i went bridging, lol.

*Have you been to 1’s house?(Shahz)
-Haha, outside only.

*When’s the next time you’ll see 10? (Nabilah)
- tomorrow's picnic =D

*Are you close to 8? (Ashraf)
-Used to.

*Have you been to the movies with 9? (Aris)
-HEH no.

*Have you gotten in trouble with 11? (Nadirah)
-yeah, was blamed of stealing a handphone, and was sent to the RR with 8 other friends -.-

*Would you give 10 a hug? (Nabilah)
-When we meet, we hug =D

*When have you lied to 3? (Airie)
-I think, i dont remember.

*Is 12 good at socializing? (LA)
- Hahah, yeah.

*Do you know a secret about 8? (Ashraf)
-Many =)

*Describe the relationship between 1 and 6(Shaz and Nazilah)
-Friends.

*What’s the best thing about your friendship with 9? (Aris)
-A friend that listens and make funny faces over the webcam.

*What’s the worst thing about 6? (Nazie)
-Not punctual, hehe. sorry ella ^^

*Have you ever had a crush on 20? (Khairiah)
-Haha of course not! she's a girl, for god sake.

*How long have you known 2? (Raihanah)
-Almost 10 years, hehehe. BFF!

*Have you ever been in a fight with 13? (Amalina)
-small fights

*Does 8 have a bf/gf? (Ashraf)
- ME! heheheheh. no lah, dia single.

*Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face? (Shaz)
-Haha! many times, jokes kk.

*Has 14 met your mother? (Sheril)
- during MTP.

*How did you meet 11? (Nadirah)
-Same class during sec. 1, she smiled at me.

*Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3? (Airie)
-Cubit dia. haha

*Do you live close to 2? (Raihanah)
-3-5minutes walk onlyy ^^

*What's 7's favourite food? (Joeyah)
-everything. ahahahha

*What kind of car does 17 have? (Saf)
- idk.

*Have you traveled anywhere with 15? (Mas)
-No.

*If you gave 5 $100, what would they spend it on? (liyana)
-idk, ask her. ahahha

*Has 20 hurt you before? (Khairiah)
- Hahaha, where got.

-

2009-06-25T18:22:00.007+08:00

i'll make this quick, i think. nyahaha. anyway, today is somehow another perfect day, somehow. okay, i meant the day. im still not sure how my night would be spoilt once again. god, please hear me. stop all this shit from happening to me, like please!

today, woke up at 11.30am. was woke up by someone's message. thanks lah eh, i told you that im busy kan, still want to message me. pfffft. didnt reply, like obviouslyy. oh, early in the morning, i caught a cold. dammn, sneezed the whole morning that after dawn, i went to sleep again. heee, swine! after that, bathe and change. went belakang sekolah and meet up with bestfriend and naufal. bestfriend looks like gay ( inside joke ) after that, waited for shahril. then headed to tampines interchange. then, waited for fitri. three of them went to watch transforwers, i mean transformers while me and bestfriend headed to pizzzza hut. you're much more worth to be loved! ;)

ordered usuals. hahaha. he called us regular. duhh. we are already 'dikenal' hahaha. and we both know almost some of the names of the workers ( so much for tags -.- ) after that, stroll around tampines mall. then went open plaza. then went to cs. eeeechan SDL, i bought the handphone strap alreadyyyy! =D and then, went open plaza, again -.-
anyway, day was spoilt because i saw someone. LOL.

after that headed home. hahahahha. okay, im done.

[edited.]

CLICK TO ENLARGE =.=

currently confirming with them about tomorrow's picnic. yay! excited lah sey. sadly sheril baby cant make it. hahaha. let's wait till sheril goes to poly, and then we can go out with her. superr sad! so anyway, tomorrow is confirmed. couldnt wait. gonna be camwhoring!
to them : jangan lupa bring food tomorrow! and jangan lupa to meet at 1.30pm tomorrow. anything, do text joeyah because im uncontactable! =D

let's slit our wrist and burn down something beautiful

2009-06-24T22:48:00.002+08:00

you know, ive always hated reality. reality really stinks. and for the fact, you're hurt for all this stupid and selfish reasons. i dont know if i should help you or leave it like that. because, im useless, remember? im selfish and im no longer helpful in your relationship with her. yes, i said, relationship. no, not friendship. ive always believed you and her, are more than friends. maybe not now, one day.

you know i want you, and only you. but it seems, there's too many things that is stopping me. and i really hate this feeling. i wish i can have you back, but i dont want you back, because i like him, and because you still love her, i know, and because you want her, but you want me, and we both want each other, but we too want someone else. yes, its weird. it's awkward how ugly our relationship are now right. and that everything is much more uglier than before. im sorry, but sooner or later, i'll fall and i'll be the one crying. and then i'll suffer and there, i lost this battle. i dont want to lose, but i know i will. because, there's no way, no way, we'll find each other together, at the end of this day. you know i love you, and you love me too. but our egoness and selfishness, just wont let us be together, again. right?

im just confused. i want this to end quickly. so i'll live happy again with you. and this time, i wont do anything. i want to watch and just play with the flow. like i said, i'll only work thing out, if YOU start working things out First! that means, when you get over her or you go on with her and leave me alone.

i hate you, but i really love you shahzrin.

it's a break time!

2009-06-24T19:53:00.010+08:00

okay hello everyone on earth. okay, let's start do the reading okay. i love my eechan SDL super duper ultra much! really, i love her alot! hehehe. but i love bestfriend more lah okay! =D

so eventually, was supposed to go out with itu anak taha. but, he couldnt last minute-ly. hahaha. tak salahkan. so, went out with my eechan SDL. yes, like finalllly, spend time with her. yay! haha. walked around tampines mall. passed by pizza hut many times. LOL. eechan, you know, i know okay =D hahah. after that, went to tampines one to grab something to eat. suddenly, eechan said she wants to eat the chicken wing rice that we ate during my birthday. haha. so, we went to tenderbest, near school. after that, went back to tampines. we went to century square. eechan bought her handphone strap, which i will buy tomorrow okayy! heheh. after that, we took pictures! and then, went to tampines one open plaza. took more pictures. she accompanied me to the bus interchange. thankyou my love SDL! i love you alot! wo ai ni! hehehehe. and thank you for listening to my problem okay. and eechan, i can have red/blue/green/white eyes if i want! hahaha. i love you! =D

tomorrow's plan, treat my bestfriend, Md Shahzrin Bin Md Ali, pizza hut! like finally, i get to treat him. it's pretty hard for me to treat him because im always the one without money and his the one who always want to pay for it. aww, so sweet of you loverboy. hahaha. alright, update tomorrow okay.

KEPADA TEMAN-TEMANKU YANG TERCINTA, TOLONG TOLONG BAWA MAKANAN PADA HARI JUMAAT, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE! AKU DENGAN AIRIE DENGAN YANA SUDAH SUPPLY AIR TAO! TOLONG BAWA, KALAU KORANG TAK NAK MAKAN PASIR! =D

okay, will it be easy for someone to forget her/his first love? never. will it be easy for her/him to move on? maybe, but the feelings will still be very very strong. and would you like to be controlled? obviously no. i can never live without you my baby. if it's possible, give me another chance, to work things out again. im starting to have faith and hopes. i really love you, no matter what, and you know that. trust me baby. it has always been about us. and there's no way she can ever take my place, after one year and six months. no, nobody will.
oh dont underestimate me bitch!

kay, enjoy your pictures eechan SDL! hehehehe. 2 more days horr! =D

we me her along the way. haha.

i dont have a helmet and that's not my body, silly!

I LOVE HER SUPER DUPER LOVE! (L)

PLEASE ignore alllll my ugly face!

i like you, you like me

2009-06-23T19:56:00.003+08:00

i miss you shahzrin. and hey, i love you till forever and ever!

sick and tired of it

2009-06-23T14:53:00.007+08:00

it's great that in the morning, everything changed. we put our past behind and everything then, seem so beautiful. and never forget, that my heart is with you my baby. and no, i will never take it back. not even for a second. i really love you, only you. and yes, forever im happy when im with you my baby love.

im currently at mcdonalds with my dearest, one and only and the greatest bestfriend. yeah bullshit, his my bestfriend. suppose to do my coursework and him doing his tuition homework tapi tak buat buat since just now. pemalas.

anyway, ignore all my fucking previous post okay. i dont want to talk about it. and oh, to any people who terasa, jangan terasa lah k. i did mean to hurt you and i did mean to make you feel bad. im really sorry if my honesty is hurting you. but god, it's the fact. accept it yeah. and no, i dont hate you, i never hated you, i just really really really dont like you. sorry eh. im being honest and i dont want to pretend anymore because it's not worth afterall lah kan.

(an hour later)

bestfriend just left. hahaha. sedihh kan. currently waiting for fatin for some discussions. so im ultra bored but im currently doing my coursework, for real. so to all my fnn friends, aku baru nak start coursework! hahaha. okay okay. no more sad post kay? sudah janji aris.

i miss all my friends. suppose to go out with my two bff, nazie and airie. but i helped mum at work and then meet bestfriend. did some heart to heart talk, still not done with the talking i guess. haish. eh, no sad post. hahaha. kene jadi happy gobber.

okay okay. im off to coursework. i need to start adding again to my research, and redo my decision making and planning and to start on my evalution. bodoh, hilangkan thumbdrive. or else, things would be more easy for me. gahhahaha. anyway, i miss yana safen, bila mahu storytelling aku what happen. and joeyah, rindu kau punya laughters. i miss hernany edhora, airie and nazie. my gossip/mengutuk orang friends. hahaha.

anyway, untuk yang confirm on friday, bawa makanan please! (:

2009-06-22T22:00:00.002+08:00

you just did..

ALL JUST FUCK OFF. dont have to read about me for now. just go away with your happy gobber life okay.